Fragile
by AshleeStar
Summary: Something happens to Monica. How will she and Chandler deal with it?
1. Fragile

Fragile Part 1  


Hi! This is the first part of my new Chandler and Monica series. Its not related to my TOW The Worst Fears. This is very heavy material and intended for a mature reading audience. If you're looking for a happy fic, this isn't the place to be! Thanks for reading! 

Chandler opened his eyes slightly and could see that the sun would be rising at any moment. He glanced over at the alarm clock that sat on the nightstand and silently groaned to himself. He dreaded having to get up in a half hour for yet another boring day at work. He also knew that he wouldn't be able to fall back asleep now that he was awake - at least sleep that would amount to anything. He looked over at Monica and smiled. She was the only thing that he actually enjoyed in life at this point. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and he still hadn't figured out how he had gotten quite so lucky. He was tempted to lean in and kiss her cheek gently, but didn't want to risk waking her. She looked so peaceful and he liked watching her sleep. It wasn't often that he got to do that because she was usually the first one up in the morning and the last one to fall asleep at night. He continued to watch her and began to think about what their future would be like. It was only one month before their wedding; an event that Monica and her two best friends, Rachel and Phoebe, had been planning for most of the year. Chandler couldn't wait until it was official and they were finally husband and wife. He didn't really care one way or the other if they had a big wedding, and even though Monica originally had her heart set on a lavish ceremony, due to their financial situation they had decided it would be better just to have something small and intimate. 

After a few moments, Monica turned on her side toward Chandler and moved in closer to him. It was the middle of December and quite cold out, so Chandler assumed she was just trying to get warmer. He moved a little more closely toward her and wrapped his arm around her waist. Then he tenderly kissed her forehead and closed his eyes just enjoying the moment with his beautiful fiancée.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. Did I wake you?" he heard Monica whisper a short time later.

"No, hon, I was already awake. I probably woke you." Chandler chuckled a little.

Monica snuggled a little closer to Chandler and moved up so she could rest her head on his chest. He stroke her hair softly before kissing the top of her head. She looked up at him and smiled with her bright blue eyes.

"You okay? How come you're awake before the alarm this morning? Got something on your mind?" She asked him.

"No, I'm fine. Maybe its just because this apartment is so damn cold." He replied, as he pulled the quilt up over Monica's shoulders to give them some more cover.

"I know. But I can think of a way to warm you up." She said as she ran her fingers up and down his chest.

He couldn't help but laugh out loud. "I would be so tempted to accept that offer if I didn't have to be in the shower in fifteen minutes." He smiled.

"Fifteen minutes is fifteen minutes." She told him, and she slowly began to caress his thigh under the sheet. She leaned in and kissed him softly right beside of his mouth, almost touching his lips. She always knew exactly what to do to get her way with him and that was one of the things he loved most about her.

A short time later, Chandler was getting ready to leave for work. Monica had just finished clearing the breakfast dishes from the table and was about to start getting ready for work as well. Chandler came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her cheek.

"I'm going to miss you." He told her as he rested his chin on her shoulder.

"Honey, I'll see you in a few hours." She smiled as she rubbed his arms and hands that were still wrapped around her. She placed her hand on Chandler's cheek and then turned to face him. She gave him a quick peck on the lips. "Now you better get moving so you won't be late."

"Yes, mam!" He replied, as he walked over to the door, grinning. "And thank you for this morning. I don't think I'll be able to concentrate today at all now." He told her just as he was about to open the door.

"Well, if you're good, you might just get a sequel tonight." She told him.

Chandler just smiled and blew her a kiss, and then he was gone. She smiled as well, then looked at the clock and realized that if she didn't get a move on, she was going to be late for work herself. 

"Hello, this is Monica." She said into the phone from her kitchen at work.

"Hi, sweetie." Chandler said from the other end.

"Oh hey, honey. How's your day going?"

"Well let me put it this way. This morning with you was the most exciting part thus far. And I really don't see anything holding a candle to that anytime soon. How about you?"

Monica was still laughing at his last comment. "Everything is going good. I think I might get out early tonight though. You want to catch a movie or something?"

"I wish I could, but that was actually why I was calling. Doug has left me in charge of taking one of our clients out for a business dinner tonight. I tried to get out of it…but, I'm sorry."

"No, that's okay. So you'll be out late then?"

"Yeah, I don't know how late I'll be though. You know how these annoying business dinners are. You want me to call you when I'm on my way home?"

"No, actually you know what, it's been so hectic here today. I'm just going to take a hot bath and crawl into bed with a book when I get home. I'll probably call it a night early since you won't be home for me to entertain."

Chandler laughed a bit, and then replied. "Okay, I'll make sure I'm quiet when I get in."

"Thanks, honey. I'll see you in the morning then." 

"Ok, I love you."

"Love you too. Bye." 

"Bye, babe."

It was a little after 10:00 that night by the time Chandler had finished his business dinner with the client. It hadn't been quite as boring as he had anticipated, but he still would have preferred to have just been home with Monica. The fact that it was beginning to snow and he couldn't get a cab also made Chandler wish he could have stayed home. He was only a few blocks from his apartment, but it was so cold and windy out that it was going to be an extra long walk. He placed his chapped hands in his coat pockets and began walking. As he approached his building, he looked up at his apartment and saw that the lights were turned off, so Monica was definitely asleep already. He remembered the promise he had made to her earlier about being quiet when he got home. He made his way up the stairs and wiped his feet off on the mat outside of his front door. He dug in his pockets, feeling around for his keys, then placed the key in the lock. He turned the knob and found the door to be already unlocked. That was sort of odd, because even though they sometimes left their door unlocked during the day, so their neighbor and Chandler's best friend Joey, could come and go as he pleased, Monica was a stickler for the door being locked at night. Especially around the holiday season when there was a higher number of break-ins in the city. Chandler thought to himself for a moment, but then concluded Monica might have just left it open for him. Or maybe she had just been careless this once? He didn't know, but decided he'd ask her about it in the morning. He walked in quietly and closed the door gently behind him. There was a dim light coming from the bathroom. Chandler figured Monica must have left it on for when he got home and he smiled to himself thinking about how sweet and considerate his wife-to-be was.

It was in that same moment, that Chandler heard a strange noise. He couldn't distinguish what exactly the noise was, but it was coming from the area by the couch. He walked slowly over toward the source of the sound and could not believe the sight that was before him. There. Right there on the floor, right before his very eyes, in the small space between the couch and the coffee table was Monica. And she was not alone. Chandler felt like screaming at what he was witnessing. There, on top of Monica, was a man, a man Chandler did not know, a man who was having sex with his fiancée. A million thoughts ran through his mind in that moment. His first thought was that Monica was cheating on him with some guy in their own home, but just as fast as the thought entered his mind, it disappeared when his eyes caught sight of the knife in the man's left hand. His right hand was covering Monica's mouth, obviously to keep her quiet. She wasn't cheating at all, how could he have been so stupid to even think such a thing. She was being attacked. She was being raped right before his eyes and he was just standing there letting it continue. Chandler felt like he was going to be sick. How could he be standing there just watching this? It was happening at this very moment, he needed to stop it before it continued for another second. Chandler could see that Monica's eyes were closed, but a second later they flashed open and as soon as she saw Chandler standing there she began to squirm to try and break free from her assailant. Chandler, seeing the fear in her eyes that were begging and pleading for his help, did the only thing that his brain told him and that was to get this monster off of Monica.

He instantly grabbed him by the shoulders, almost effortlessly pulling him off of Monica and pushing him onto the hard wood floor. Chandler had no idea where all of this energy came from, but he couldn't control himself and he began to kick the man and scream obscenities at him. In the process of the scuffle, the attacker had dropped the knife. Monica sat up on the floor for a few seconds and tried to regain her composure before she grabbed the knife. She was shaking and crying and very scared that Chandler was going to get hurt. She managed to pull on her bathrobe that she had been wearing before the attack and wrapped it around her, then re-tied the belt. She instinctively ran out of the apartment and across the hall to Joey and Rachel's. She frantically beat on the door, still crying hysterically from what she had just endured until Joey opened it.

"Joey!" Monica cried.

"What's going on?" He asked her, concerned. 

He heard Chandler screaming across the hall and ran over to see what was going on. He pulled Chandler off of the guy and tried to calm him down. The man had lost consciousness, and Chandler was screaming that he hoped he was dead. Joey grabbed the phone and dialed 911. Chandler looked around the apartment nervously for Monica, forgetting momentarily that she had gone across the hall. He ran over to Joey's apartment to Monica's side, where Rachel had been trying to comfort her, but to no avail. Monica was sitting on the couch sobbing continuously. Chandler silently thanked Rachel as he sat down next to Monica, which she took as a sign that he wanted to be alone with her.

"Monica, oh my God." Chandler cried as he held her close to him.

Rachel went across the hall to Chandler and Monica's apartment and saw the attacker lying on the floor, still unconscious.

"Joey, what the hell happened?" She asked, her voice a little wary. 

"Judging by Chandler's reaction, I think we already know the answer to that." He replied.

"How could this happen?" Rachel said to him, tears forming in her eyes.

Back at Joey and Rachel's, Chandler was still holding a crying Monica. He was trying to get her to calm down, and he was still trying to calm down himself. He had never felt so many emotions at one time and this reality he was living in at the moment seemed unreal and almost dreamlike. He could have sworn he was hallucinating, but then Monica began holding onto him very tightly, and he tried to grasp hold of the concept that this was actually happening. Monica continued to cry, not wanting to believe what had just happened to her. She too felt like it wasn't even really happening, but she knew that it was. This was all too real to only be a nightmare. Chandler wiped the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs and looked into her scared eyes.

"Sweetie, Joey called the police. They'll be here any minute." He managed to say as pulled her close to him again and kissed her head. She wrapped her arms tightly around him. She had never felt so scared in her entire life.

"Chandler, I'm so sorry." Monica finally said to him through her tears. "I'm sorry."

"Baby, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm here now and I'm never letting you go."

  
  
To be continued....


	2. Fragile Part 2

Fragile Part 2  


It only took the police ten minutes to get to their apartment building. Monica and Chandler were still in Joey and Rachel's apartment sitting together on the couch. Chandler had finally managed to get Monica to calm down a bit and when he saw a police officer come into the apartment with Rachel, she reluctantly let him leave her side to walk to over to them.

"I'm Officer Rosen. Ms. Green here has informed me of what happened. Where is the victim?" He nonchalantly asked, as if he didn't even care a woman had just been raped.

"The victim has a name. It's Monica Geller and she is right there." Chandler replied, somewhat annoyed, pointing in the direction of the couch.

The officer picked up on Chandler's tone and continued in a more apologetic manner. "I'm sorry, Mister…"

"Bing. Chandler Bing." Chandler told him. "So have you gotten that monster out of our apartment yet?" 

"We are just waiting for the ambulance to get here."

"The only thing that guy deserves to leave here in is a bodybag after what he did to Monica."

"I know, I'm sorry. Its just standard procedure. My partner should be here any minute. She'll want to talk to Ms. Geller. I would do it myself, but sometimes after a trauma like this, its easier to talk to another woman."

"Chandler.." Monica called out to him from the couch. He left the officer and went over to her. "What's happening?" She asked, as she slowly rocked herself back and forth. Rachel was sitting next to her, but Chandler could tell she had no clue what to do to console her friend. He knelt down next to Monica and gently took her hand in his.

"Well I think they're going to want a statement, honey. And then we'll go to the hospital and make sure you're okay." "I'm okay." She said as she looked up at him. "Thanks to you." She was on the verge of tears again, but held them back as best she could.

****

A few hours later, Chandler and Monica arrived back at their apartment. It was no longer considered a crime scene because the attacker had been arrested and Monica had identified him one final time before he had been taken to the hospital. It had been a very long night at the hospital with the examinations and questions from the police. Chandler had sat with Monica as she told a policewoman what happened to her. 

She had gotten home from work about 9:00 and decided to take a hot bath. By 9:30, she had finished her bath, dried off, and then slipped on her bathrobe. She realized she had forgotten to lock the front door when she'd first gotten home, so she was about to do that when suddenly she was grabbed from behind. The man, who was quite a bit larger than her, had put the smooth part of the knife against her cheek and whispered, "Scream and I'll kill you." Monica could tell by his voice that he wasn't lying, so she knew she'd have to do whatever it took to try and stay alive. 

As Monica had told the story to the policewoman, she began to cry. Chandler just sat there listening to Monica tell the story and wanted to kick himself for going out to that stupid business dinner. He didn't know if he would be able to handle hearing the rest of what happened to her before he had gotten to the apartment. Monica said the attacker told her if she did what she was told, he wouldn't kill her. He covered her mouth with his left hand and held the knife in his right and then began to lead her into her and Chandler's bedroom. She started to get very nauseated thinking about what this man was going to do to her in the bed she shared with the man she loved more than anything. Monica said that she had suddenly felt that she could fight this guy and decided that in no way was she going to let him attack her on her own bed. She kicked him and then made a run for it. But she obviously wasn't quick enough because when she reached the living room he had already caught her and threw her to the ground. She began to cry and he once again covered her mouth and told her she had been "very very bad" and would have to pay for that. She continued crying as he pushed her into the area between the couch and the coffee table with her head near the barca lounger. When she saw the chair she immediately thought of Chandler and prayed to any higher power that she could stall the guy long enough for Chandler to get home. When the man took his hand off of her mouth again, she lied and told him she had STDs, to which he said he didn't care, and that reply scared her even more. He climbed on top of her after untying the belt of her robe and opening both sides to reveal she had no clothing on underneath. She closed her eyes, for she did not want to see this sick man gawk at her naked body which he was, at any moment, about to violate in the worst way. She began to pray for Chandler to walk in at that moment, but instead she could feel her legs being forcefully opened against her will and then with her wrists held about her head, he started to rape her.

Chandler cried as Monica had told her story. He was starting to feel more and more guilty for not being home to protect her from this maniac. Ten minutes after the rape started, Chandler had walked into the apartment. Chandler had listened very closely to this part of Monica's account. When he had been standing there witnessing the rape, he didn't know how long he had actually stood there and done nothing, but from what Monica told the police it had only been about five seconds. Monica said that she had heard the front door open and within seconds Chandler had pulled the man off of her. She said it with so much relief in her voice, that Chandler felt a little better.

Now they were just glad to be home again, as ironic as it might have been. They were both very tired and still in shock over what had happened. Chandler closed the front door behind him and locked every bolt on the door. Monica had taken a change of clothes with her to the hospital, which she was now wearing. They had kept her bathrobe - which she didn't really care about. She didn't want it anymore. She slipped off her coat and Chandler watched her carefully. He was so worried about her. "Chandler, I really need to take a shower. They said I can now." She told him, as she carefully avoided the area in the room where her attack had taken place. She headed toward the bathroom and flipped on the light switch.

Chandler waited until he could hear the water running before he sat down at the kitchen table and burst into tears. He didn't want Monica to hear or see him crying, but he was absolutely devastated. Everything that happened to her would have been avoided if he had just been home. In no way was he implying she was a weak female, in fact she was the strongest woman he had ever met, but he just knew if he had been home maybe the animal who did this to her wouldn't have even come into the apartment at all. Chandler decided he couldn't talk to Monica about this just yet because he wanted her to deal with what had happened to her and not worry about him. His problem was nothing compared to what she had just been through. And helping her was more important to him anyway.

After twenty minutes, Chandler began to get a little worried about Monica. The shower was still going and he had a feeling she was scrubbing herself raw in there. He walked over to the bathroom, where the door was slightly cracked open.

"Mon? You okay in there?" He asked in a low voice. He didn't want to startle her. When she didn't answer right away and he knew she was crying. He felt bad for interrupting her, she probably needed this time alone without him bombarding her. "I'll just be in the kitchen." He told her a few seconds later after getting no response.

From the shower, Monica could tell by his voice that he was just as shaken up as she was. She felt so bad for ignoring him, she knew he was just trying to help. "Chandler? You still there?" She asked.

"I'm right here, honey." Chandler said from outside of the door. "If you need anything, just let me know, okay?"

"Chandler, I want you to help me get clean." He heard her say from the shower. He slowly opened the door to the bathroom and stepped in, not sure he had heard her clearly.

"What'd you say?" He asked her.

She poked her head out from around the shower curtain, looking at him with her beautiful blue eyes that were now red and puffy. "Will you help me?" She asked him again.

He took another step toward her, and she opened the curtain a little more. She really wanted his help, he thought to himself. He suddenly remembered reading a pamphlet in the hospital while he had been waiting for her. It said you should always ask a rape victim if you can touch them. While he was in deep thought, Monica handed him a sponge and some soap. "Mon, is it okay with you? You know…for me to..touch you?" 

Monica looked at him with sad eyes. The realization that her fiancé was afraid to touch her made her want to cry. She nodded and pulled him into a tight hug, neither one caring that he was fully dressed and the water from the shower was splashing all over the bathroom. As he held her tightly to him, he made a silent promise to himself that she would never be hurt again.

After helping her dry off and get into her pjs, they walked into their bedroom. Chandler pulled the covers back and helped Monica to get comfortable. Neither one had much to say. They were so tired, however both knew that getting some sleep would be a challenge. Monica was so scared that she would have a nightmare or some sort of flashback. And Chandler couldn't get the image of what happened to Monica out of his head. It just kept replaying over and over again and he wanted it to stop. He started to wonder if it would ever stop. He glanced over at Monica and she moved over to lie very close to him. He was kind of surprised, he didn't think she would want to be touched at all for quite some time. But Monica seemed as though she wanted to be as close to Chandler as she could. And he didn't mind in the least, he wanted to do everything he could to make her feel safe again.

The counselor at the hospital had told Monica she may not want to be near anyone of the opposite sex anytime soon and that it was perfectly normal. But Monica didn't feel that way at all towards Chandler. She knew he had nothing to do with her attack; he certainly wasn't to blame and neither was she. Monica was educated enough to know that the rape wasn't even about sex, it was just about power. And she had decided at the hospital that this wasn't going to take over her life. She had a future with Chandler and she couldn't let this ruin it.

She snuggled closely to him, resting her head on his chest. She could feel him tense up at first, and he hesitated a bit before putting his arm around her. But when she placed her arm across his waist, it seemed to be all the reassurance he needed as he wrapped his arms around her more securely.

"I love you so much, Mon." he finally said, breaking the silence.

"I love you too." She said as she closed her eyes, trying her best not to think about the events of the night.

"Just try and get some sleep, sweetie. I'm going to be right here and if you need anything you just let me know."

Monica smiled slightly, she knew he meant every word, and she was so thankful he was in her life. She tried to relax, thinking she would never be able to fall asleep, but their exhaustion finally caught up with them and by 6am they had fallen asleep, still tightly embraced in each other's arms.

To be continued....


	3. Fragile Part 3

Fragile Part 3  


Over the next couple of weeks, things seemed to get a little better. At least from Monica's point of view. She was seeing a therapist twice a week and that was really helping her to deal with what had happened. She and Rachel were also busy getting last minute preparations for the wedding finished. Chandler had told Monica they could postpone the wedding, but she explained to him that they couldn't let her attacker win, and if they didn't get married then that's exactly what they would be doing. Chandler agreed with her, but told her if she changed her mind he would understand. Monica had been so busy with the planning, that she hadn't really noticed that Chandler was having a lot of problems dealing with her rape. Monica had suggested that he go see the counselor with her but he had refused. He convinced himself that no amount of therapy could ever change what happened or how guilty he felt.

A few days before the wedding, Chandler and Monica were getting ready for bed. Monica had been to see her counselor that day and was feeling really good. She had decided that she wanted this night to be the first time for her and Chandler to be intimate since the rape. Originally she was planning to wait until their wedding night, but she suddenly didn't want to wait anymore. She had talked it over with her counselor to make sure it wasn't too soon. It had only been a month since the assault, but her counselor assured her that every person is different and Monica had been handling things so well, that she would be just fine.

Monica crawled into bed and snuggled up closely to Chandler. She leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips. "There is something I want to talk to you about."

"Sure, sweetie." He replied, as she put his arm around her.

"I was thinking that tonight we should…" she paused momentarily, almost laughing at how awkward it was for her to say it, but then continued, "Well I think we should make love."

Chandler was actually surprised. He looked at Monica, who was smiling at him, full of love. "Honey, are you sure? It's not too soon?" He asked her, cautiously.

"No, its not. I talked to Sarah about it today and she said that there's no right or wrong answer when it comes to this stuff. She said its all up to me."

"Sweetheart, is this because of the wedding? I don't want you to feel any pressure."

Monica placed her hand on Chandler's cheek and continued to smile lovingly at him. Could she be anymore lucky? This was the best guy in the world sitting here with her, and he was all her's. "Chandler, I promise you, I'm ready. I want to be with you. I need to remember what it feels like to be with you. I need to know the last person I've been with is the man I love more than life itself." Chandler understood exactly what she meant. He leaned in a kissed her cheek softly and then the tip of her nose. "Okay?" She asked him.

"Okay." He told her. "But you have to promise me one thing." "Anything." She answered. 

"If you change your mind, you tell me. I don't care what's happening, if you don't want me to -" he continued, but was cut off by Monica kissing him passionately.

"Don't worry so much. I love you and it will be fine." She continued to kiss him, and only stopped to lean over and turn off the light. She pressed herself against Chandler and kissed his neck. She could sense that he was nervous, and she began to give him sweet little kisses on his face and neck to try and ease his tension. He wrapped his arms around her, resting them on her back. "Chandler.." she whispered, "You can touch me." She kissed his lips once more and then lay back on the bed, pulling him down to her. He carefully unbuttoned her pajama top and she smiled up at him, studying his facial expression. She could tell he was concentrating on her and only her. After her removed her top, he leaned forward and kissed her mouth and then her neck. He slowly moved a little further down and kissed each breast softly. He traced his tongue down to her stomach, where he kissed her a few more times. She ran her fingers through his hair and was enjoying the feeling of being with him again. She imagined it might feel a little strange, but the only thing she realized was how much she had missed him during the past month. She sat up and helped Chandler remove his shirt and his pj bottoms, along with his boxers. He gently placed his hand on her cheek and brushed some of her hair out of her face before leaning into kiss her. He slid his hands over her bare breasts and down to her waist. He carefully began to slide her pj bottoms and panties down and then tossed them aside once they reached her ankles. He pulled her close to him and wrapped his arms around her as they kissed passionately. He slowly laid her back onto the bed, his hand cradling her neck, and climbed on top of her. They had been kissing for a few more minutes just enjoying each other, when Monica opened her legs a little further apart, indicating to Chandler that she was ready for him. He stopped kissing her for a moment, and looked deep into her eyes, making sure this is what she wanted before he made another move. She kissed him again, slipping her tongue into his mouth. He slowly entered her and she let out a small moan. She ran her fingers through his hair again and then rested her hands there for a few moments. He continued to move slowly within her and took his time. Monica had closed her eyes and thought about how good it felt to be with Chandler again. A short time later, she opened her eyes and gazed up at Chandler. The expression on his face looked nothing like it usually did when they made love. She placed her hand on his cheek, and he opened his eyes and looked down at her. He leaned in and kissed her, while placing one hand on each side of her face. He started to kiss her neck, so she could no longer see his face, but a short time later she heard what she thought was Chandler crying. 

"Chandler?" She whispered. He stopped what he was doing and looked her in the eyes with tear stained cheeks. "Honey, what's wrong?" She asked him as she brought her hands up to his face. Chandler suddenly rolled off of Monica onto his side of the bed, and with his back turned to her, he burst into tears. She immediately sat up and moved to be near him. She gently placed her hand on his bare shoulder to try and get him to look at her. She could feel him tense up at her touch, which she hadn't expected. "Chandler? Tell me what's going on." She said again, as she began to get scared.

"I'm sorry." He bawled. "I just couldn't do it."

"Oh, Chandler." Monica said as she started to cry a little. "Sweetie, I am so sorry."

He turned and looked at her. "Mon, all I could see was that sick fuck and what he was doing to you." Chandler cried. "I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I just wanted to kill him." He continued.

Monica pulled Chandler into a hug and let him cry in her arms. She was just now starting to realize the magnitude of the damage this had done to Chandler. She knew what he'd seen had to have been traumatic, but she had thought he was going to be fine. Now she was having second thoughts. He continued to cry and she slowly stroke his back as he told her how he felt like he should have been home to protect her that night. It felt strange for a moment that she was helping Chandler and that it wasn't the other way around. It was ironic that he was the one falling apart because of the rape. But she was glad that he was finally opening up to her. Maybe now he could face this head on and deal with it, and like her accept it.

Chandler didn't want to talk his breakdown again after that night. He promised Monica that he was fine, and that he had just been emotional during their lovemaking. She wasn't sure if she bought it, but he had never been dishonest with her before, so she really had no reason not to believe him. She just hoped that if there was a problem, he would talk to her about it. But that wasn't what happened. After their wedding night, she knew there was a definite problem and she just needed to find a way for Chandler to agree to get help. It all started at their wedding reception when Chandler got completely wasted. It was so unlike him to get drunk - during their time together, he had rarely ever had anything to drink besides a few beers every now and then. Monica was worried, but the next day, Chandler assured her it was a one time thing and blamed it on Joey, saying he kept bringing him drinks all night. That turned out to be another lie. Every night after work, he began to go to a pub by his office and he would come home to the apartment reeking of alcohol and slurring his words. Monica didn't know what to do. She confided in Rachel and Phoebe, but they could only listen and offer their emotional support. 

It was a cold January night, two weeks after the wedding. Monica was sitting at the kitchen table, holding her phone in her hand and hoping that Chandler would call or be home soon. It was past 8:00 and she was starting to get worried. She'd called everyone they knew and no one had any idea where he was. She had called him earlier at the office and told him she needed to talk to him and he'd told her he would be home as soon as he was off work. It had been three hours now and she was running out of options. A few minutes later, he came stumbling in, and right away she knew he was drunk again.

"Hey babe." He said as he dropped his briefcase by the front door. He tripped over it but caught his fall and laughed a little at his own clumsiness. Monica crossed her arms and sighed deeply. 

"Where the hell have you been? Or do I even have to ask?" She frowned.

"What's going on? Am I past my curfew?" Chandler joked. Monica just stared at him. She felt like she could cry. "Oh come on, honey. Its just a joke."

"Well its not funny. I asked you to come home after work."

Chandler thought for a moment. "Ohhhhh. Yeah, I forgot. What did you want to tell me?"

Monica stood up from the table and began to walk toward the bedroom. "Forget it. I can't talk to you when you're like this. Which is everyday now."

"Monica, seriously. I'm fine, just tell me." Chandler said to her.

Monica stopped before she reached the bedroom. "We'll talk in the morning. Or sometime when you're sober."

Chandler followed her into the bedroom and watched her as she put on her pjs. "Why you going to bed so early? It's like 8:00."

"I'm tired." Monica replied. She really wasn't in the mood to talk to him.

"Let's watch some TV. Come on, honey." Chandler reached out for her hand, but she pushed him away.

"I don't feel like it."

"Oh, Mon you're no fun. Come on, let's do something." He said, as he stumbled across the room.

"Just get out! Leave me alone, Chandler!" She shouted, as she started to cry. 

"Geez, get a grip. What the hell is wrong with you?" He snapped at her.

"I'm pregnant! Okay!?" 

"Whaa?" He asked, shocked.

"You heard me. Now get the hell out of here. I don't feel like talking to you anymore."

"Is it mine?" 

Monica looked up at him. She couldn't believe he had just said those words to her. "I'm going to do you a big favor and pretend you did not just say that."

"Well is it?" He asked again, sounding a lot more sober.

"Of course it is, Chandler. Don't be so stupid."

"Well how do you know?"

"Chandler, I swear to God, if you don't get out of here right now, you are going to be sorry."

"Just tell me how you know its mine. Because you know, from where I'm standing it might not be."

Monica crawled underneath the covers and laid down on her side of the bed. "Goodnight, Chandler."

The next morning when Monica came out of the bedroom, Chandler was sitting at the kitchen table reading the newspaper and drinking coffee. She still didn't feel like talking to him, she was absolutely furious with him about the night before.

"Monica -" he started.

"Chandler, I really don't feel like having this discussion."

"I'm sorry about last night. Please, you have to forgive me."

"For which part exactly? The being drunk again or for you questioning the paternity of the child I'm carrying."

"Monica, are you sure its my baby?"

"Ok, so I take it you mean I need to forgive the drunk thing." Monica sarcastically said, as she walked over and opened the fridge. She grabbed the milk and closed the door.

"Monica, listen to me." Chandler started, as she made her cereal and pretended she couldn't hear him. "Damn it, Monica, would you look at me?" He yelled.

She looked up at him, a little shocked at his short temper that he had just recently developed along with the drinking. She sat down at the kitchen table across from him.

"Monica, I'm not saying you cheated on me for God's sake. I'm just asking you if there is a chance this baby could be a result of the…well, the…"

"The rape? You can say it, Chandler. Yes, I was raped. And I am dealing with it. You on the other hand, can't seem to deal with what happened to me."

"Can we talk about the problem at hand please?"

"Oh, so now its a problem? Its a baby, Chandler."

"Stop being so mean for one second! I'm just saying if there is a chance its not my baby then we need to find out, okay?"

"If it'll shut you up, then fine!"

"When can we find out?" He asked her, calming down a little.

"Well with a paternity test when the baby is born."

"We can't find out now? I mean if its not mine, then you might want to consider…"

"What are you suggesting? Are you saying that if its not yours that I shouldn't have it? Is that what you're getting at?"

"Well, yes." Chandler replied without giving it a second thought. He could see Monica was shocked. "Mon, I just can't imagine us raising a child that doesn't even belong to me."

"Its really not up to you."

"You are my wife. I mean don't I have some kind of say in this decision?"

"I don't even know why we're having this stupid discussion. This is your child, okay? You know why I know its yours? Because that bastard who raped me did not ejaculate in me. I've already told you this once, but apparently you need a refresher course." Monica stood up abruptly and put her bowl into the sink.

Chandler could see how this was tearing at Monica and he felt really bad. Monica had told him that before, but for some reason he couldn't get the idea out of his head that she could be pregnant by this pervert. And Chandler couldn't stand the idea of bringing a child into the world that was a result of this attack that had been haunting him every night for the past month and a half. He walked over to Monica and placed his hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry." He told her sincerely. She turned and looked at him, her eyes were filled with tears again. He hugged her tightly and kissed her head. "God Monica, I am so sorry. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me."

"Chandler, please get some help. I'm so worried about you." Monica said to him as she placed her head on his chest. They continued in their embrace for a few more moments before Chandler answered her.

"I promise you, everything is going to be okay. We're having a baby! Everything is going to be perfect." He smiled down at her, with what she considered a forced smile, then he kissed her lips sweetly and left for work. Monica sat on the couch and continued to cry. She wanted to believe that everything was going to be okay, but she knew that Chandler was in need of some professional help and as long as he refused it, their problems would never go away.   
  
To be continued....


	4. Fragile Part 4

Fragile Part 4  


Hi, I'm back with part 4. First of all, I'd like to say thank you to those of you who have sent me nice reviews!! I don't mind constructive criticism, but I tend to get really annoyed when people continually bash drama fan fics for no reason other than to just give a bad review. So to save you the effort of saying "its bad" or "it sucks", let me once again put up this little DISCLAIMER. If you think Friends is only a comedy, and no one should write a dramatic fan FICTION (and I do stress the word "fiction") then don't read my story! Its a drama and that ain't changing, so there is no point for you to even read any further!! I said its a drama in part 1 and if part 1 sucked so bad then why are you in my part 4?!! 

Thanks, and here is part 4. 

Over the next eight months, things went from bad to worse between Chandler and Monica. The drinking hadn't stopped and Chandler still refused to get any kind of help. Monica couldn't really believe what her life had come to. She still loved Chandler more than anything, even though he was no longer there for her on any kind of level. They never even talked anymore and Monica's heart was breaking. She had worked so hard to overcome what happened to her, and Chandler was the one it ended up hurting the most. Monica had continued in her therapy, which now mainly revolved around Chandler's new lifestyle. It had gotten to the point where Chandler wouldn't come home for days at a time and Monica feared he'd been cheating on her and maybe even getting into drugs. She had promised herself that once the baby was born she would have to give him an ultimatum - either get help or move out. Of course she hoped he would choose to get help because she needed him in her life and she wanted their baby to have a father. But it saddened her to think that it might already be too late to reach him.

It was a hot August day and Monica had just made some lemonade. She looked at the calendar as she sipped on her drink. Only three more weeks until her due date. She was really looking forward to becoming a mother, even under these circumstances. It was something she had always wanted more than anything and to think it was with the man she'd loved for so long made her very happy. She frowned when she recalled telling Chandler her due date. He had immediately realized the baby must have been conceived around the time of the rape. Monica reminded him they had been intimate the morning of the attack, but Chandler didn't seem to listen to her. He had convinced himself this wasn't his child and he told her he still wanted the paternity test when the baby was born. Monica had reluctantly agreed, mostly just to get him to shut up about it. It really had hurt her feelings that she and Chandler didn't get to enjoy the pregnancy like other couples. When she went to her doctor appointments, he never went with her; never got to see any of the sonograms, or even find out they were going to have a little boy. She hadn't even discussed names with him, and on her own had decided to call the baby Matthew. 

She walked over and sat down on the couch to watch a little TV. The baby began to kick and she ran her hands over her very large belly. "It won't be too much longer, little guy." She smiled. "Not much longer."

Chandler was sitting in his office at work and desperately needed a drink. He hadn't been home in three days and felt horrible. He'd been sleeping at a cheap motel in Harlem, which was close to the bar he'd been frequenting. There was something very numbing about the alcohol that made him feel so much better. When he was drunk, he rarely ever thought about what had happened to Monica, something that was constantly on his mind when he was sober. As he sat at his desk, the pain of what he'd seen that night was just as strong as if it had happened yesterday. He fought the urge to cry and looked over at the clock. Only two more hours and this pain would be gone. All he had to do was get through two more hours. He wondered if he should go by the apartment that night and check on Monica. She never had much to say to him anymore when he did show up. Most of the time she was already asleep and he didn't bother to go into the bedroom. He had been sleeping in the guest room, but started crashing on the couch after it became a nursery for the baby. The baby, he thought to himself, was another issue in itself. He knew what Monica had told him about the rapist not climaxing and no semen had been recovered on Monica or her clothing that night. He wanted more than anything to believe her. But what if she was wrong? Chandler refused to get attached to a baby that might not even be his. And he couldn't believe Monica would even want a child that didn't belong to both of them. Maybe that was selfish on his part, but it was how it felt. He was afraid to think what would happen if the baby wasn't his. There was no way he could be around a constant reminder of that night. No way could he raise another man's child as his own. How could Monica even think he would? He didn't want to think about it anymore. There was no point in worrying about it anyway because once she had the baby, they'd perform the test and find out for sure who the baby's father was.

  


Over the course of the next three weeks, Monica saw Chandler maybe a total of four times. He'd come by the apartment for a change of clothes and to shower, but they hadn't had much to say. And he never mentioned anything about the baby. Monica felt he acted as though the baby did not exist. When her water broke on the fourth of September, her first instinct was of course to call Chandler, but when he couldn't be reached, she'd had to call Rachel at work. She cried the entire time she waited for Rachel to arrive thinking about how Chandler should have been with her. She couldn't understand what she had done to deserve this, but then she just tried to focus on the baby and getting to the hospital safely. 

As Monica worked through one of her contractions, Rachel came into the room with a small cup of crushed ice. She felt incredibly bad for Monica and could see how much she was missing Chandler.

"Did you find him?" Monica asked Rachel, referring to Chandler, of course.

"No, honey, I'm sorry. I have everyone looking for him though. Ross and Joey are calling everywhere we can think of." Rachel took hold of her friend's hand and squeezed it gently as Monica began to cry again.

"Tell them just to try all the bars and pubs." Monica said in a sarcastic tone, as she felt another contraction coming on.

"I'm not going anywhere." Rachel told her. "I know you'd rather have Chandler with you, but I'll stay."

"Thank you for being here. I really appreciate it." Monica told her, smiling through her tears.

  


Chandler walked into the dark apartment that night a little after eleven. Surprisingly he was a lot more sober than usual. He'd had another blackout earlier in the day, which he took as a sign to go home. He really needed a hot shower and a good nights sleep. He made his way over toward the bathroom and felt around for the light switch. 

"She had the baby today." A voice said from the living room. Chandler jumped, shocked that he was not alone.

"Ross, you scared the hell out of me." Chandler told him as he turned the lights on. Ross was on the couch, basically just staring off into space. "Why were you sitting here in the dark?" Chandler asked him. Ross didn't move and Chandler suddenly felt a lump forming in his throat. He walked over toward Ross and sat down in the barca lounger. "Is it Mon? Is she, is she okay?"

"She is fine. I think she would have liked for her husband to be there. You know for the birth of their first child." Ross replied. 

Chandler could tell that Ross was extremely angry right now and at any moment could be pushed over the edge.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know." Chandler finally said.

"That's bullshit Chandler. Where the hell were you? Off getting drunk again? I can't believe you would do this to Monica."

"I didn't want her to be alone. I would have been there if I had known."

"Rachel was with her."

"Well that's good." Chandler mumbled, not really knowing what to say. He hadn't been forced to have a conversation in months and he had some trouble just trying to put a sentence together.

"Oh yeah! It's great!" Ross sarcastically exclaimed. "You know what Chandler, I never thought I would say this, but I actually hate you right now. I hate you for what you have done to my sister. I wish to hell that you two had never gotten together, I never thought you deserved to be with her and now I know why. She just went through 7 hours of labor to have your child and you weren't even there to help her through it. Hell, you haven't helped her through anything this year! You haven't been there for her at all. I'm ashamed to call you my brother-in-law." Ross stood up and headed for the front door. "Why don't you do us all a favor Chandler and get the hell out of our lives. We don't need you anymore." Ross left the apartment, leaving a stunned Chandler sitting motionless in the barca lounger.

  


Monica was in her hospital bed just about to doze off when she felt Chandler's familiar lips kissing her cheek softly. She opened her eyes and looked up at him. She didn't know if she was happy to see him or disappointed that he had decided to make an appearance. 

"I didn't mean to disturb you." He said as he sat down next to her.

"It's okay. I wasn't asleep yet." She replied. There was an awkwardness between them. Monica had so much she had wanted to say to him, but for some reason no words would come out of her mouth.

"How are you feeling? I am so sorry I wasn't here, Mon."

"I'm fine. And the baby is fine too."

Chandler smiled slightly and placed his hand on top of hers. "Was it a boy or a girl?"

"It's a boy. I've known that for a few months now."

Chandler looked down, feeling guilty. He was so ashamed of how he had treated her. Ross was right, he didn't deserve her at all.

"His name is Matthew." Monica continued. "I'm sure the nurse will bring him by soon if you'd like to see him."

Chandler looked up at her. "I would like that. Thank you." Monica just nodded. She was furious with him, but she wasn't going to deny him his son. 

"Mon, I just wanted to apologize for the way I've acted these past months. I know I've been crazy and unsupportive and I'm so sorry. I know I haven't been there for you, but I want that to change. I want to start over."

She pulled an envelope out from the drawer in the nightstand next to her bed and handed it to Chandler.

"What is this?" He asked her, slightly confused.

"Its the results of the paternity test. They already had your information on file, so I told them to go ahead and run the test."

"Mon, I know this will probably come as a shock, but I believe you when you say the baby is mine. I don't need a stupid test to confirm that. I was stupid to ever doubt you."

"Chandler, thank you for believing me. That means a lot to me. But I want you to see if for yourself, okay? I just want there to be no doubt in your mind that he is your son."

Chandler reluctantly opened the envelope and started to read the enclosed paper. When he didn't smile, Monica got a little worried.

"What does it say?" Monica asked, concerned.

"99.9% that I am not the father."

"WHAT!?" Monica exclaimed, not believing him. "That can't be! This baby is yours!" She began to cry mostly from shock.

Chandler looked up from the paper. "You lied to me! I can't believe you would do this."

"I never lied. I swear, it has to be your baby."

"Well these tests don't lie, Monica. I can't believe this. You knew this might not be my child all along, didn't you? And you were willing to take that chance. Because apparently this baby means more to you than our marriage."

"Chandler, I swear to you, I didn't think it belonged to him. I would have told you if I did."

"This is over Monica. I was coming over here to try and make things right between us, and if I hadn't looked at these results I would have never known the truth. But now I do and we are over." Chandler began to cry as he walked toward the door of the hospital room.

"Please don't do this, Chandler!" Monica cried from her bed. "Please!" She continued sobbing as she watched him leave and the door closing behind him.   
  
To be continued....

Also, I have parts 5-7 posted on my web site if anyone would like to see what happens next. I may not post on here anymore just because I don't appreciate people with no manners reviewing fics that they probably haven't even read!! 


	5. Fragile Part 5

Fragile Part 5  


It had been three years since Chandler left Monica in the hospital room, and she hadn't seen or heard from him since. She had been absolutely devastated and heartbroken without him. But she was also so angry with him for walking out on her and Matthew. She felt the alcoholism was mostly to blame for his actions, and even though she knew it was a poor excuse, it had literally taken over his life after her rape.

She had also been devastated that Matthew was not Chandler's son. She loved her child more than life itself and couldn't imagine her life without him, but sadly he also symbolized what she had lost in life. She thought about that a lot in the beginning, but these days she was finally happy again. None of their friends had heard or seen from Chandler since he'd left either, and they were all sure he'd left New York. Even though Monica was upset with him, she still wished she knew where he was; a part of her would always love him - at least the Chandler she had fallen in love with, and she wanted to know that he was safe. She was still living in the same apartment and still working at the same restaurant as she had been three years earlier, so it wouldn't be impossible for Chandler to track her down. Part of her wished he would contact her, but the other part wanted him to remain in her past. She had Matthew to focus on now and that was the most important part of her life.

Chandler was sitting in his office, wondering what he was going to have for lunch. He'd transferred to California after the hospital incident with Monica. And he'd been sober for the last two years. He had been going to therapy and dealing with his guilt over Monica's rape. He'd finally been able to forgive himself for what she had endured. He had thought about her everyday, but after he'd gotten sober again, he felt so guilty about the way he had treated her, there was no way he could face her again. He couldn't take the chance of totally screwing up her life now even though he was better. He was still upset that he hadn't been the baby's father, but what he regretted more than anything was not giving Monica the chance to explain her side of things. He was getting bored at his desk, so he decided to listen to the radio for awhile until he left for lunch. He scrambled for the first station he could find and a strange feeling came over him when he began to listen to the words in the song.

If I was down   
Would your arms lift me up to higher ground   
With just the strength of your love   
If I was lost   
Would I find something in your eyes to lead me home   
And after all that long   
Would you be there to hold  
It's easy to be there through the good times   
But when the times get hard   
Would you stay or walk away?   
  
Are you gonna be there when the rain comes   
Are you gonna be there with a warm touch   
Can you say you'll be there with a real love   
Are you gonna be there   
Will you stand by my side through the bad times  
Through whatever will be, will you still be mine   
Will you stay in my life for a lifetime   
Are you gonna be there   
When I need someone to hold   
Someone there for me  
Are you gonna be...   
  
In my world   
If it should all fall down   
Will you be there, be there to turn it around   
Will you still care   
Can I depend on you to see me through this life   
And if it all goes wrong, will you still make it right   
It's easy to be there through the good times   
But when the times get hard   
Will you still be on my side   
  
Are you gonna be there when the rain comes   
Are you gonna be there with a warm touch  
Can you swear you'll be there with a real love   
Are you gonna be there   
Will you stand by my side through the bad times   
Through whatever will be, will you still be mine   
Will you stay in my life for a lifetime   
Are you gonna be there   
When I need someone beside me   
Someone there for me  
Are you gonna be...   
  
There with the arms to hold me   
There with the love I need   
Will you be there   
Will you be there   
Heart and soul I need to know   
Are you gonna be there   
Are you gonna still care   
Are you gonna be there   
Will you stand by my side   
Are you gonna be mine   
Are you gonna be there  
Are you gonna be there   
  
Are you gonna be there when the rain comes   
Are you gonna be there with a warm touch   
Can you say you'll be there with a real love   
Are you gonna be there   
Will you stand by my side through the bad times   
Through whatever will be, will you still be mine   
Will you stay in my life for a lifetime   
Are you gonna be there   
  
Chandler felt the tears rolling down his cheeks. Once they started, they wouldn't stop coming. He immediately began to think about Monica and how much he had let her down. He opened his desk drawer and pulled out a framed photo of her that he'd taken with him from his old office. He traced her facial features in the photo with his fingers and softly whispered, "Is it too late for us?" 

Monica was having a small get together at her apartment for her thirty-fourth birthday. She had invited Ross, Rachel, Joey and Phoebe. It felt kind of weird with there just being five in the group now. Monica sometimes wondered what it would have been like if she and Chandler had never gotten together, and she knew that there would still be that sixth member if they had just remained friends. She smiled to herself thinking about their first night together in London, and then she begin to think about their engagement night, and other milestones in their relationship. It saddened her deeply that he had been so traumatized by the rape. It changed their lives in so many ways neither could have ever predicted. Deep down she wished that Chandler had just been able to deal with it and they could have lived happily ever after, but then she snapped back into reality. Matthew was trying to eat a frosted flower from the birthday cake, and Monica sneaked up from behind and grabbed her son and tickled him. They were both laughing as Ross and Rachel walked into the apartment and began to join in tickling Matthew. 

The party turned out to be a lot of fun and kind of seemed like old times. After putting Matthew to bed, they watched a movie and then played a game of poker. Monica hadn't been this happy in a long time, and it made the others feel good to know she had been able to move on after what happened with Chandler. Ross especially had a lot of animosity toward Chandler and always told his sister that she was too good for him. Joey and Phoebe never had much to say on the subject, and Rachel felt pretty much the same as Ross. She thought Monica deserved so much better and was constantly trying to set Monica up on dates, but she had always refused.

A few weeks after the party, Monica was walking through Central Park on her way to pick up Matthew. Joey had taken him to a children's theater show that his girlfriend was performing in, and Monica had agreed to meet them in the park. She checked her watch and realized she was a little early, so she made herself comfortable on a bench. A few minutes later she saw Matthew running up to her, followed by Joey who was chasing after him. "Hey sweetie!" Monica said to her son as she gave him a hug. "Did you and Joey have a good day?" Matthew nodded as he smiled up at his mother.

"We had a great time." Joey told her. "Listen, I have to meet Jennifer back at her place, but I'll see you later tonight at dinner."

"Great. It's at 7:00, don't forget." Monica told him as he ran off.

"Now," Monica said to Matthew, "Why don't you tell me all about the play and we'll even stop for ice cream on the way home!"

"Yay, ice cream!" Matthew exclaimed. "Can I get chocolate?"

"Of course. You can get whatever you want." Monica told him, as she took hold of his hand. 

Monica was so interested in what her son was telling her, she hadn't even noticed that Chandler had been standing a few away from them. He'd been watching her since she sat down on the bench. He'd only been in Central Park by coincidence, and was shocked when he saw Monica there. He had been tempted to approach her, but when he saw Joey and Matthew running up, he didn't want to bother her. She looked so happy with her son, and that had made Chandler smile. He wanted her to be happy more than anything else. But he had come to New York for a reason, and that reason was Monica. He knew he was going to have to talk to her eventually, and soon.

The gang has just finished dinner and were about to watch a movie. Ever since Monica's birthday, they all decided they should get together once a week for dinner and a movie. It reminded them of old times and they had all been so busy with their own lives, they hadn't been spending as much time together as they once had. Rachel and Phoebe were finishing with the dishes, while Monica was putting Matthew to bed. When there was on unexpected knock on the door, Ross offered to answer it. He opened to the door and to his dismay found Chandler on the other side. He was speechless for a moment, but managed to form the words seconds later.

"Well look what the cat dragged in…" Ross said as he angrily stared at Chandler.

"Hello Ross." Chandler said.

Rachel, Joey, and Phoebe had all gathered around Ross and were just as shocked to see Chandler standing on the other side. None of them knew what to say.

"What do you want?" Ross asked him.

"I'd like to talk to Monica." Chandler started.

"She's busy." Ross told him, as he began to close the door.

"Ross, please - I know you're angry and you have every right to be. All of you do. But I would really like to speak to Monica."

"No. Now just get out of here. I don't need you upsetting her tonight." Ross replied.

"Rachel…Pheebs? Joey? Would you please tell Monica I'm here?" They just blankly stared at Chandler, offering no response.

As he turned to leave, he heard Monica's voice.

"Who's at the door?" She asked the group.

"No one…" Ross started to say, but Monica quickly walked over toward the door. When she noticed it was Chandler, she practically ran. 

"Chandler?" she asked, surprised that it was really him. "What are you doing here?"

"Look, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to disturb you." 

"Could you guys excuse us for a second?" Monica asked the others as she walked into the hall with Chandler, closing the door behind her.

"Mon, I'm sorry." Chandler said. He couldn't get much else out. He couldn't believe he was really with her again. All of the love he had for her came rushing back. But he could tell by the look in her eyes, that she no longer had the same feelings for him. Or if she did, they were buried very deeply now.

"Chandler, what the hell is going on? I don't see you for three years and all you have to say is that you're sorry? Is there a reason you're here?" She asked him as she crossed her arms.

"I'm better now, Mon. I got help after I left."

"Well congratulations." Monica told him sarcastically.

Chandler looked down at his feet. He couldn't look her in the eyes. Not after he could see all the pain he had caused her.

"Look seriously," Monica said, "I'm glad you got help. I was really worried you were dead or something."

Chandler looked back up at her. "You..you were?"

"What do you think? Of course I was worried."

"I thought you probably hated me."

"I could never hate you, Chandler. But I am angry as hell with you. I don't even know why I am out here talking to you right now. I guess I just wanted to see for myself that you are actually okay. But now I can go back into my apartment and get on with my life." Monica turned to walk in, then looked at him again. "Actually, could you come in for a sec? There is something I need to give you."

"Okay." He told her, as he followed her in.

He waited in the kitchen area as Monica went into her bedroom. Ross and the others were all standing around looking at Chandler. He felt really uncomfortable.

"So what'd you do? Give her some sob story?" Ross asked. "What, now you want her back or something? I will have you know that will never happen as long as I'm alive."

"Yeah and that goes for me too." Rachel chimed in.

"We're never going to let you hurt Monica again." Phoebe said. Chandler was stunned. He couldn't believe the words coming out of the mouths of the people who had once been his best friends.

He turned to look at Joey, who hadn't said anything.

"They're right, Chandler." Joey said, shrugging his shoulders. "You hurt her."

"I am really sorry, you guys. I was sick, but I'm better now."

"We don't care." Rachel replied. "You leave without a peep for three years and you expect to walk back into our lives and us be best friends again? I lost all respect I had for you after you walked out on Monica."

"Rach, I wasn't thinking clearly when I did that. I would never do that now."

"Well, its too late to change what's happened now, isn't it?" Phoebe said to him. "Don't you get it Chandler? When you left Mon, you left all of us."

"Yeah, we don't need you. We've done just fine without you!" Ross yelled.

"Yes we have." Monica said from the doorway to her room. She walked toward Chandler and handed him an envelope. "Here, I wanted to give these to you two years ago."

"What is it?"

"Divorce papers. So please sign them and that'll be it." Monica walked over to the door and opened it. "Good-bye, Chandler."

Chandler had tears in his eyes and looked at Monica for a moment. He stood in the same spot for a few seconds before Ross yelled at him again.

"Get the hell out of here, Chandler! And don't come back this time."

Chandler looked at the gang one last time and then at Monica as he walked out of the apartment. Monica knew that Chandler was hurting, but after everything she had gone through because of his leaving she couldn't let herself feel sorry for him.

A couple of hours later, Monica was getting ready for bed when the phone rang. She signed wondering who would be calling her so late.

"Hello?" She asked, slightly annoyed.

"Hi, Mon." Chandler said from the other end.

"Chandler? What the hell are you doing calling me so late? It's after eleven."

"I'm sorry, I was just calling to say good-bye."

"Well that isn't necessary." Monica replied. "Did you sign the papers yet?"

"No, but I'm getting ready to. I wanted to tell you how sorry I am, Mon. I know its a little late, but you have to know that I am so so sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

"Chandler, are you…are you crying?" Monica asked him.

"I loved you more than anything in the world. I still love you. I would never do anything to hurt you, Mon."

"Chandler? Are you okay? You sound weird." She said, as she started to get a little nervous.

"I just wanted you to know. I'm always going to love you, Mon. Please know that." Chandler said before hanging up.

Monica was on the verge of tears. "Chandler! Where are you?" She yelled into the phone as she had hung up. "Damn it!" She pulled on her robe and ran over to Joey's door and knocked on it until he answered a moment later.

"Monica, what's going on?" He asked her, noticing she was in tears.

"Chandler just called and he sounded weird."

"So? He's weird now, remember?"

"No, Joey. I'm serious. I'm afraid he's going to something drastic."

"You mean like….?"

"I don't know, but we have to find him!"

"Well you said he called you, right? Can't you just *69 back to the hotel?"

"Oh you're right." Monica replied as she ran back into her apartment and grabbed the phone. After getting the number, she dialed up the hotel and asked them to please have someone go up to Chandler's room to see if he was okay. A few moments later, someone came back to the phone and told Monica that everything was fine. She breathed a sigh of relief as she hung up the phone.

"I can't believe you." Joey said to her.

"What do you mean?" She asked him, a little confused.

"After everything he's put you through, and you still care so much about him."

"I'm not in love with him, if that's what you mean. But I don't want him to harm himself. I mean we were pretty harsh on him tonight and I don't know how fragile is still is."

"Yeah and plus everything Ross said to him the night he left probably still haunts him." Joey said.

"What are you talking about?" Monica asked. "Ross talked to him the night he left me?"

"Yeah, I thought you knew."

"Joey. What happened that night?"

"Ross totally told Chandler off. He told him that you'd be better off without him and that he hated him. After Ross left, I came over here and Chandler was totally freaking out. I have never seen him like that."

"What was wrong with him?"

"He couldn't stop crying. I stayed here the whole time trying to talk to him, but he wouldn't answer. And then he left, I assume to see you."

"But he was fine when I saw him."

"I don't know." Joey replied. "I have to go. But come over in case anything else happens. Good night." Joey told her as he left the apartment.

Monica got into bed and couldn't stop thinking about the night Chandler had left her at the hospital. She was upset that no one had ever mentioned what happened with Ross, and was wondered what had been said. She closed her eyes and decided she would talk to Ross about it the next day and hopefully get all of the answers she needed.

A few hours later, she woke up to the sound of her phone ringing. She looked at the clock before answering and saw that it was a little after 4 am. 

"Hello?" She said, half asleep.

"Hello, is this Monica Bing?"

"Yes, Monica Geller Bing." 

"Mrs. Bing, my name is Sharon Willis. I'm calling from NYU Medical Center."

Monica sat straight up in bed. "Oh my God. Who is it?"

"Your husband, Chandler Bing has just been brought in, unconscious. Are you able to come to the hospital?"

Monica couldn't believe her ears. She dropped the phone and got dressed as fast as she could. She called Rachel over to stay with Matthew, and she and Joey headed to the hospital. She hoped she'd be able to get to Chandler before it was too late. 

  
  



	6. Fragile Part 6

Fragile Part 6  


I'd just like to give a special thanks to Bonnie and Sally for their help with this chapter!! You two really motivated me!! 

It was a little after 5am by the time Joey and Monica arrived at the emergency. Monica ran to the front desk frantically asking about Chandler. Joey wasn't quite as concerned. He couldn't understand why Monica was so upset after everything Chandler had put her through. He had felt betrayed by Chandler as well, after all, they had been best friends and then Chandler left and Joey never heard from him again.

Joey walked over to the waiting area and sat down as Monica continued to pace, hoping she would hear something soon regarding Chandler's condition. A short while later, a doctor approached her.

"Mrs. Bing?"

"Yes. Monica. How's Chandler?"

"He was unconscious when they brought him in. He just woke up a few minutes ago and his vitals look good. It was a very close call though. We're going to want to keep him here for a few days."

"Do you know what happened?" Monica asked.

The doctor stepped a little closer to her and spoke in a softer voice. "Mrs. Bing, does your husband, by any chance suffer from emotional problems?"

"Why?"

"He took a lethal amount of sleeping pills mixed with vodka tonight. Could it be possible he was trying to commit suicide?"

"I can't believe he would do something like this." Monica replied, on the verge of tears.

"I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this. You weren't aware of your husband's problems?"

"It's a long story." Monica said. "Can I see him, please?"

"Of course. His room is right down the hall." The doctor started toward the hall but Monica stopped him.

"I'll just be a minute." She turned to Joey. "Can you call Chandler's mom? She needs to be here. He's going to need her."

"Yeah, I guess." Joey replied. Monica wrote down the number and handed it to him. 

"I'm going to be with Chandler, okay?" 

Monica walked into his hospital room and saw that his eyes were closed. She went over to his bed and sat down on the stool that was already there. She just watched him for a minute debating on whether or not to bother him. She couldn't believe he had tried to kill himself - what could he have been thinking? She felt a little guilty about the way everyone had treated him the previous night, but didn't think it was any reason to want to end your life. She didn't know how she felt about Chandler at this moment. Did she feel sorry for him or was she even more angry with him than before? 

He turned his head in her direction and looked up at her. He looked so helpless. He looked like an innocent little child, and Monica's mothering instincts got the better of her. She moved a little closer to him and placed her hand on his forehead and brushed her fingers through his hair a few times. Neither one said anything for a long time.

"Why did you do this?" Monica asked him.

Chandler looked at her with tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"I can't believe you tried to end your own life. How could you do that?"

"All of the pain came back tonight. Everything I did to you three years ago. I just didn't think I could take it anymore."

"Is that why you called to tell me good-bye?"

"I wanted you to know that I loved you."

"Chandler none of this makes any sense. Maybe that's because its five o'clock in the morning, though."

Chandler smiled slightly. He was still feeling very weak, even though most of the sleeping pills had been pumped out of his stomach. But the trauma of the night had exhausted him. He wanted to sleep, but he was afraid that when he woke up Monica would have left and he had so much he wanted to tell her. 

Chandler's eye lids were getting more and more heavy. He grabbed hold of Monica's hand.

"Please don't go." He said to her.

A few sarcastic comments entered her mind, but she couldn't bring herself to be mean to him, even though a small part of her wanted to. "Okay, I won't leave. Joey is calling your mom so she should be here soon." Monica said. "Just go to sleep." Chandler closed his eyes and a few minutes later he had fallen asleep. Monica went back into the waiting room and found Joey still sitting there.

"Did you reach Nora?" Monica asked him.

"Yes, she said she would be here within the hour." Joey replied, as he stood up.

"Great. Chandler is really going to need her."

"Better her than you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Monica asked defensively.

"You don't owe Chandler a damn thing."

"Joey, he could have died last night."

"So what? He's been dead to me for three years. Listen, I gotta get out of here. Are you coming?" 

"No. I am going to wait for Nora to get here."

"Fine, I'll see you later." Joey told her as he left the hospital.

Monica couldn't believe how much hate she heard in Joey's voice. Sure, she was angry at Chandler, and even though he had hurt her, she never once wished him any harm. She walked back down the hall toward his room, hoping his mother would soon be there so she could get home to her own son.

When Nora finally arrived two hours later, Chandler was still sleeping. Monica had been waiting outside of his hospital room. Nora quickly walked up to Monica and gave her a hug.

"Oh, Monica. What has happened?"

"Well, Chandler tried to commit suicide last night." Monica told her, trying to break the news as mildly as she could.

"Oh dear." Nora replied, sitting down. "This is a shock."

"I think I probably drove him to it." Monica said, as she took a seat next to Nora.

"Oh sweetheart, I'm sure you didn't."

"No, Chandler came to the apartment last night. And everyone was there and we were all so mean to him. I mean I had no idea he was still so fragile. He told us he was better. But we all just totally laid into him. I was so stupid." Monica said, as she began to cry. The guilt was killing her.

Nora just looked at her confused. "Monica, what are you talking about? Chandler being 'all better'? Was he sick?"

"You mean, you didn't know?"

"No, I haven't talked to Chandler since the two of you got married."

"What? I figured you two were in touch."

"Monica, please tell me what has happened."

"About four years ago, I was raped." Monica started. As she began her story, Nora gasped. "Well Chandler walked in on it, and saved my life. But unfortunately, what he witnessed pretty much took over his life. And after we got married, he started drinking heavily. And then I found out I was pregnant."

"Oh, you and Chandler have a child? I can't believe he never called to tell me!" 

"Well, I thought it was Chandler's child. I mean I was so sure it had to be."

"Oh, no." Nora sadly replied. "It wasn't his baby?"

Monica began to cry more remembering what had happened. "No. And when he found out that Matthew wasn't his, he left. And I didn't see him again. Until last night."

Nora pulled Monica into a hug and let her cry. "Oh, Monica, I am so sorry. What a difficult four years this must have been for you. I wish I had known."

"I thought if you knew where Chandler was you wouldn't tell me anyway." Monica sobbed. "And everyone said I was better off without him."

After Monica calmed down a bit, Nora held onto her hand. Monica could tell that Nora had something important she wanted to tell her.

"Sweetheart, I think there is something you should know." Nora seriously said.

"What?" Monica asked, concerned.

"When I was eighteen…I was raped."

"Oh my God, I am so sorry." 

"And as a result of it, I got pregnant." She continued.

"It happened to you too? Nora, thank you so much for telling me this. There aren't many people who can understand this…"

"No, Monica I don't think you understand. I got pregnant with Chandler."

Monica was speechless. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "You mean…..Does Chandler know this?"

"Yes, I told him when he was younger. I thought he handled it quite well. But maybe the attack on you, maybe it triggered something in him?"

Monica stood up and walked over toward Chandler's room. She looked through the window in the door and watched him sleep. Everything made a little bit more sense now. But she couldn't understand how Chandler could keep this from her. They weren't supposed to have any secrets from one another. And even if there were small secrets, this was something so big and important, that it upset her even more that he hadn't told her. Monica wasn't feeling well, so she turned to Nora and told her she had to get home to Matthew.

"Tell Chandler I will try to be back later to see him." She said before rushing down the hall as quickly as her legs would carry her.

Not long after Monica left, Chandler woke up. He was glad to see his mother, but wondered where Monica had gone. Nora explained that she had to get home to Matthew, and Chandler just nodded. He had hoped to see Monica, but knew under the circumstances he was lucky she had come to the hospital at all. He was feeling really depressed and was disappointed in himself for taking a drink the night before. He'd been doing so well for the past two years, and couldn't figure out what had come over him the night before.

A few hours later, Monica returned to the hospital. She decided this was the last time she was going to see Chandler. She felt strangely responsible for what he had done the night before and did not want to cause him anymore pain and vice versa. She wanted their final good-byes to be pleasant and on good terms. When she went into his room, he looked a lot better than he had that morning. He had most of his color back and was eating lunch. She smiled at him from the door and walked over toward the bed.

"Hi. You look better." She said, as she took a seat on the stool.

"Thanks. And thanks for coming back."

Monica just nodded. "Where's your mom?"

"Oh she had to cancel her flight to wherever."

"I'm glad you are okay, Chandler. And I'm sorry for being so mean to you last night."

"I deserved it. And I'm sorry too."

"Just promise me you'll never do anything like this again."

"I promise." Chandler said, slightly smiling. 

"What could you have been thinking?" Monica asked him trying not to sound too harsh.

"I wasn't. I was just stupid."

"I mean how did they even find you? Because I called the hotel…."

"You did?" Chandler asked, surprised.

"Yeah, after you called me. I was really upset so I called the hotel and they sent someone to check on you. They said you were fine, so I went to bed." 

"No one ever came to my room."

"What? I can't believe they would lie to me."

"Mon, I can't believe you called the hotel."

"I was worried you were going to do exactly what you did. How did you end up here?"

"My mom said that the people in the room next to me called the front desk and complained my TV was too loud. When they got in my room, they found me."

"Wow, you were really lucky."

"Yeah, I was." Chandler said, looking down. He was lucky to have his life, yes, but that was about it. The only thing he really wanted was Monica and he knew that would never happen. 

A few minutes later, Chandler's mom and the doctor came into the room. Monica had been preparing to start her good bye to Chandler, but figured she'd have would wait until the doctor and Nora left.

"We'd like to keep you for a few more days and then you will be released, but we strongly suggest that you not be alone and in the care of someone you trust." The doctor said to him.

"Well, mom…." Chandler said as he looked up at her. "I guess that's you."

"Oh, Chandler. I would love to help out. But I've got a huge book tour. And I'm already going to be a few days behind now as it is."

Monica couldn't believe that Chandler's own mother was not willing to support him. She could see how hurt he was when his mother turned him down and told him she was too busy to help him get well. Even though Monica knew it was against her better judgement, she couldn't let Chandler be alone in a time of need. As Nora continued to explain why she couldn't care for her son, Monica spoke up.

"Listen, doctor, he can stay with me. I've got an extra bedroom he can stay in. And my work hours are really flexible." Monica couldn't even believe her own ears, and she wasn't the only one who was shocked. Chandler had practically bolted up right in his bed, trying to comprehend what she had just said.   
  



	7. Fragile Part 7

Fragile Part 7  


"You what?" Ross yelled at Monica.

"Don't yell at me." She replied. "Matthew is right in the next room."

"How could you agree to let Chandler stay here?"

"He needs to stay somewhere, okay?"

"No, it's not okay. He is not your responsibility. He was not there when you needed him, why should he get your help now?"

"It's not your decision." Monica replied, hoping Ross would shut up.

"Monica, you are nuts. If you are even considering getting back together with him…."

"It has nothing to do with that. This is not about me and Chandler. This is about helping him to get well. And I do owe him that. If he hadn't seen me get raped then this never would have happened to him."

"You don't know that. If it wasn't the rape, something else could have pushed him into drinking."

"Yeah, well you don't know that either, Ross. You don't know everything. I'm sorry to disappoint you."

"Monica, I'm just trying to help you. And you are making a huge mistake. I can't even believe you would trust him around Matthew."

Monica stopped dead in her tracks and looked at her brother. "Now you listen to me. I know you think Chandler is some crazy wacko, but he would never hurt Matthew. And I don't ever want you to imply that he would." 

"None of us know Chandler anymore. And I can't believe you are falling for this whole 'poor me' thing he is doing."

"Ross, he has a serious illness. Now if I want to help him, then that is my prerogative."

"Well just don't expect us to be here for you again when he breaks your heart into a million pieces." Ross said as he grabbed his jacket. 

"For the last time, we are not going to get back together. But I could not live with myself if I knew I had turned my back on him."

"He did just fine after he did it to you."

"How can you be so cruel?"

"How can you be so damn stupid?" Ross quipped back.

"Get out of here. When you can have a normal conversation, then you can come back."

"Oh well, if Mr. Bing is here, you won't have to worry about me coming over. And I think its safe to say the same goes for the others." He said as he walked over to the door.

"Fine, then when you all grow hearts then maybe you'll want to stop by." Monica replied as she slammed the door behind him. 

She turned and saw Matthew standing in the doorway of his bedroom. He looked confused, and didn't understand why his mommy was so upset.

"Mommy?" He asked as he walked over to her.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. Uncle Ross was just being difficult again." She told him as she walked over to him. She smiled as she picked him up and carried him back into his bedroom. She placed him in his bed and covered him up. She sat on the bed next to him and ran her fingers through his hair.

"Why is Uncle Ross mad at you?" Matthew asked her.

Monica looked down at her son. He was the cutest little boy she'd ever seen, and even though she knew every mother thought that of their child, she really meant it. Whenever he smiled, his baby blue eyes would light up and he had two little dimples that would always appear. He only slightly resembled Monica, but she had convinced herself that he looked more like her than he actually did. She tried as hard as she could to erase out of her mind what her attacker looked like and tried to create an image in her head of a more suitable father for Matthew. But every time she did, that image was of Chandler. And when she would look down at Matthew, she would imagine him as a little version of Chandler; which is the way it should have been.

"Mommy?" Matthew asked again.

"Let's not worry about Ross. There is something else I want to talk to you about."

"Okay." 

"Well, a friend of mine is going to be staying with us for awhile. And he is going to be staying in your room, so you can sleep with me."

"Who is it?" Matthew curiously asked.

"Well his name is Chandler. And you will like him." Monica told him.

"Okay."

Monica smiled, thinking how easy that was. She wished it could have been that easy telling Ross. She stayed with Matthew until he fell asleep and then gently kissed his forehead before going into her own room.

A few days later, Monica brought Chandler back to the apartment after his release from the hospital. Things were a little weird between them and the conversation was limited.

"Mon, thanks again for letting me stay here. You know, it really isn't necessary. If you want me to find another place…"

"Its no problem, okay? I just want you well." Monica told him as she walked toward Matthew's bedroom. "You can stay in here."

Chandler followed her. "Where is the little guy?" He asked her, feeling a little awkward. It was so strange to think of Monica having a child. And Chandler hadn't had much experience with kids, so he hoped there wouldn't be any problems getting along with the boy.

"He should be here any minute, actually. A friend from the restaurant is watching him for me."

"That is nice." Chandler replied, not really knowing what else to say. A silence ensued for a few minutes and they were both a bit uncomfortable. It had been a long time since they'd been alone together in the apartment and a million memories came flooding into Chandler's head. He gazed at Monica, who was also obviously taking a stroll down memory lane.

"Mon.." Chandler started.

"So, you want something to eat? I know Matty's gonna be hungry when he gets here. How about some ravioli? He loves that." She said as she headed toward the kitchen. 

"Yeah, ravioli…that sounds great." He took a seat on the couch, sensing Monica's uneasiness. Living together in the apartment wasn't going to be easy. He still couldn't figure out why she had completely changed her attitude toward him, but decided that he would ask her about it once things settled down a bit.

A few minutes later Matthew got home. 

"Mommy!" He yelled as he ran through the front door. He greeted his mother with a hug and kiss, and she helped him take off his jacket. Chandler watched them together and remembered seeing them in the park. He could tell they were crazy about each other, and a part of him wondered what their lives would have been like if he hadn't left. Matthew noticed Chandler sitting on the couch and looked up at his mother.

"Matthew, this is my friend Chandler." Monica started. Matthew smiled, but quickly became shy and latched onto his mother and buried his face in her side. Monica laughed a bit. "He gets shy sometimes." She explained to Chandler.

"No, its okay. We were all like that once." He smiled. "Hi Matthew."

Matthew looked up at him and smiled. "Hi." He replied, but then buried his face again. Monica wrapped her arms around her son and hugged him. She informed him that his lunch was ready and asked Chandler to join them. During lunch, Matthew seemed to get a little more used to the new person in his life. He would occasionally look over at Chandler, but if Chandler would look back, he would get shy again and look away. 

While Monica washed the dishes, Chandler went back and sat down on the couch. A few moments later, Matthew sat down beside him. He looked at Chandler curiously. Chandler smiled at him.

"You're gonna sleep in my room." Matthew told Chandler. 

"I know. Thanks for letting me borrow it for awhile."

"It's okay." Matthew replied. "I don't use it much."

Chandler laughed. He had been nervous, but now he realized he was going to able to get along just fine with Monica's son.

For the rest of the week, things went by pretty smoothly. Chandler soon realized that the rest of the gang was furious with Monica for letting Chandler stay with her. He told Monica it would probably be best if he were to leave, but she told him that she wanted him to stay and it was none of anyone's business. She wanted to talk to him about the conversation she'd had with Nora at the hospital, but wanted to wait until he was a little stronger and also until a time when Matthew wasn't around. She had a feeling it wasn't going to be a happy discussion, so she decided she'd have him spend the weekend with her parents so she could finally have her talk with Chandler. On Friday afternoon, Chandler came into the apartment after his counseling session. Monica was sitting at the kitchen table, waiting for him.

"Hi." He said when he saw her.

"Hey. How was the session?"

"It was good, thanks. Where's Matthew? I got this cool game for him."

Monica smiled. It made her happy that Chandler and Matthew had hit it off. She'd began thinking that maybe she and Chandler could somehow mend their friendship. It had only been a week, but they were getting along and she was feeling so much better that Chandler was doing well and didn't show any signs of wanting to drink.

"Oh, he's with my parents for the weekend. They've been wanting to see him, and I thought you know it would be a nice break for you. You know you might want a quiet weekend."

"No, he's great, Mon. Please don't feel like he bothers me. He's a blast."

"Thanks. Actually, there was another reason he's with them this weekend."

"What?" Chandler asked.

"Well, I wanted to talk to you."

"About what? Do you want me to leave? I totally understand if you're uncomfortable with me here."

"No, its not that. Please sit down."

Chandler sat at the table next to her. "Sounds serious."

"It is. And I don't want us to fight, okay? I just hate fighting."

"I know what you mean. Go ahead."

"Well, when you were in the hospital, I was talking to your mom. And well, she filled me in on a few things that I didn't know before."

He looked down. He had a feeling he knew where this was going. "You mean…."

"Chandler, she told me you are the result of a rape."

Chandler stood up from the table and walked over toward the window. Monica followed him. "Why didn't you tell me?" She asked him.

"I just…I didn't think it was relevant." He said, not ready to face her just yet.

"Not relevant? Of course it is! The same thing happened to me, Chandler. I mean the same exact thing. But I want to know why you never told me this before I was ever raped?"

"It's not the kind of thing you tell someone over dinner, Monica."

"I know that, but Chandler, we told each other everything. Did you not trust me enough to tell me this?"

Chandler turned and looked at her. "Of course I trusted you. I was just, I was embarrassed. I'd rather have people think my father was gay than some pervert rapist." 

Monica's eyes filled with tears. "Chandler, if you had just told me, so many of our problems could have been solved! I would have understood why my rape affected you the way it did. And I could have gotten you the help you needed instead of letting it get out of control."

"Monica, please don't blame yourself. I should have told you."

"Yes, you should have. Everything makes sense now. Three years later, when it doesn't even matter."

"I'm sorry. I was so screwed up. I wanted to tell you, and then you were pregnant. And I totally couldn't deal with it."

"That's when you should have told me! I could have understood your point of view so much more clearly!" Monica exclaimed, as she started to cry. "At the time it made no sense at all."

"I couldn't stand the thought of a kid growing up the way I did, knowing what kind of father they had."

"Chandler, then why didn't you stay? You could have been the father you never had. Even if he's not your's by blood, he still could have been your son."

"It wasn't fair, Mon. He should have been our son."

"Fair? You want to talk about fair? How fair was you just leaving me a few hours after I gave birth? How fair is it that I didn't see you for three years not knowing what the hell happened to you. Knowing deep down that everything you saw that night totally fucked you up! And I couldn't even deal with losing you because I had a newborn to take care of. All alone. Do you know how hard that was? Do you know how much I needed you?" Monica sobbed.

Chandler began to cry as well. "I'm so sorry. I know that doesn't mean a damn thing now. I was so stupid to leave. But I wasn't thinking straight that night. Ross had just told me how much of a loser I was and I thought he was right. And when I found out the baby wasn't mine, I just lost it. And I am so sorry, but we both lost that night, Mon. I lost the best thing that ever happened to me."

"God, I just wish you had stayed and we could have tried to work it out. I hated you so much when you left, yet I loved you more than anything. And everyday I just waited for that phone to ring and you to tell me you were okay, or that you were coming home. And the sad part is that I wanted you to come home. I cried myself to sleep so many nights."

"Monica, I can't tell you how sorry I am. If I could go back and change what happened, I swear I would. I don't even know what I was thinking. I was stupid." Chandler cried.

"Yes, you were!" Monica cried back. 

"Maybe I should leave for awhile." Chandler replied as he walked toward the door. As he grabbed for the knob, he felt Monica's hand on his shoulder.

"Chandler, wait." She said.

He turned to face her, the tears still rolling down his cheeks. Her tears were still falling as well. Before Chandler could say anything, Monica threw her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. He was shocked at first, but then kissed her back. She broke away a second later. "Don't go." She said and leaned into and kissed him again. He wrapped his arms around her and knew it was a mistake to be kissing her. They were both so emotionally unstable, and her kisses were both needy and hungry. They continued to kiss passionately, and a minute later she took his hand and led him into her bedroom. Chandler knew deep down that he shouldn't be doing this with her, it was wrong and they were both vulnerable. But he wanted her so much, he had missed every part of her. They both lay on the bed and her kisses became more and more hungry. She slowly began to unzip his pants and before he knew it, her hand was in his boxers with her fingers running up and down the length of him.

She looked deep into his eyes, then closed her own and kissed him again. He was starting to get very turned on, and he wanted her so much. He hadn't been with anyone other than her, and he wondered if she had. "Monica…" He started to say. "Mon, are you sure you want this?"

Monica stopped kissing him momentarily. "Yeah, don't stop." She replied and she quickly began to remove her clothing. Chandler had never seen her like this, even when they'd been together, she'd never been this starved for sex. He sat on the edge of the bed and watched her as she took all of her clothes off. The she just as quickly began to remove his, kissing him in between. She crawled on top of him, straddling him. 

"Monica, do you have any condoms or anything?" He asked her, but it was too late, she had already slipped him inside of her. He closed his eyes and couldn't believe it was really happening. She felt amazing to be with again, and he really wanted to take his time, but she was going so fast and he wouldn't be able to last much longer. He felt himself involuntarily speeding up and Monica started to moan loudly. They were both sitting up, Chandler with his legs hanging over the edge of the bed and Monica still sitting in his lap. It was the most unromantic setting Chandler could ever remember them being in while making love. And it was about to be the quickest as well.

"Monica.." Chandler whispered in her ear. "I'm getting ready to…. I'm about to…" 

"I don't care." She loudly moaned.

"But…" He replied as he tried to maintain control.

"Shut up. Keep going." 

A few seconds later, he had climaxed and fell back on the bed. Monica collapsed on top of him and kissed his cheek.

They ended up making love two more times, but not as intensely as the first time. Chandler wanted to go slow and remember what it felt like to be with her again. After the last time, Chandler fell sleep in the same spot on his side of the bed he'd fallen asleep in so many times before. Monica looked over at him and watched him. She knew she had just made a huge mistake and was already starting to regret it. She couldn't believe she'd let her emotions take over. The truth was, she needed to feel that physical connection with someone again, and that first time it didn't really matter if it was Chandler. But by the third time they'd made love, she was starting to feel again and that scared her. He'd made love to her like he had when they'd been together and a lot of old feelings for him had started to resurface. She promised herself no matter what, she couldn't let this ever happen again with him. No matter how tempted she was. She felt guilty because she knew when Chandler woke up, he was going to think they were back together again, and she had no idea how she was going to tell him that wasn't so.   
  



	8. Fragile Part 8

Fragile Part 8  


Monica slowly got out of bed, not wanting to wake Chandler, and grabbed her robe. She quietly closed the door behind her and walked into the kitchen. She was feeling terrible and could not believe she had just slept with Chandler not only once but three times. She sat down at the kitchen table, sighing, trying to figure out what she was going to do. She was worried that by telling Chandler she didn't want anymore than friendship with him, that it might lead him to drink again. But she couldn't lie and pretend she wanted to be with him. And even if she did want to be with him, he was nowhere near ready to be in a serious relationship. She continued sitting at the table, nervously biting at her nails, when Chandler entered from the bedroom. She felt like she couldn't even face him.

"Hey." He said to her, his eyes glowing.

"Hi." She said, not making eye contact with him. 

He sat down at the kitchen table next to her. He knew something was up, he was always able to read her like a book, and when she started biting on her nails, it meant she had something serious on her mind. 

"Mon…is this about what just happened?" He asked her.

She finally looked up at him and nodded slowly. "Chandler, I don't want to hurt you…" she began, but he interrupted her.

"Look, its okay. I don't wanna call it a mistake though, okay? We both just really needed that connection again. At least I did."

"I did too." She said, placing her hand on top of his. "My emotions just got the better of me and I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Mon."

"We just can't let it happen again, okay?" She said rather sternly.

"I know." Chandler agreed, almost sounding sad about it. 

"I know you are still pretty fragile right now. I was so afraid of hurting you."

"Mon, I hurt you more than anyone ever has. And I want you to know that I am so sorry."

"I know you are. And I'm ready to forgive you."

"You are?" He asked her, quite surprised.

"Yes. I can't keep living my life being so angry at you for what happened. Now that I know….now that I know about your mom and everything, I can see why you started to drink. I'm not saying that what you did was right, or that I wish you hadn't told me the truth because I wish more than anything that you had."

"I wish I had too." He told her.

"But everything happens for some kind of reason. I can't figure this one out yet, but maybe someday I will."

"Monica, your forgiveness means everything to me." He told her, with tears in his eyes.

"Chandler, I want us to be friends again. Like we were before any of this happened."

"I want that too." He told her. They both stood up and embraced. Chandler held her close to him and was genuinely happy just to have her friendship again. Of course on some level, he did wish they could be together someday and happy like they once had been. But he wasn't going to think about that right now, he just wanted to enjoy the moment.

It had been 3 months since Chandler had begun staying with Monica and Matthew. His therapy was going really well, and he was hopeful he would soon get the approval from his doctor to move out and be on his own again. His company in California had been very supportive during his time off, he was such an asset to the business, they were more than happy to let him take the time off to recover. However, he could tell after talking to his boss that they did want him back as soon as possible. Things between Monica and Chandler were going really well too. They were not anything more than just best friends again, and even though some nights Chandler ached for her so badly, he had accepted the fact that she wanted nothing more than friendship. Little did he know that deep down, she wanted him more than anything as well. Ever since their lovemaking, she had developed very strong feelings for him, but she couldn't risk being hurt again, and more importantly she couldn't risk Matthew being hurt in the process. Her son was her first priority and that would never change. Matthew and Chandler had grown to be quite close over the three months too. Chandler watched him while Monica was at work, and she really didn't look forward to the day when Chandler would have to go back to California; she'd gotten so used to him being around again. And she knew Matthew was going to miss him as well.

It was a couple of weeks later that Chandler's doctor told him he thought he was ready to be on his own again. He couldn't wait to get back to the apartment to tell Monica the news.

"Hey!" He said as he happily entered.

"Oh, hey! Its almost time for dinner!" She exclaimed from the stove. She had her hair pulled back into a bun and was wearing a cute little apron. Chandler smiled when he saw her. It felt exactly like when they had been married. He almost automatically went over to kiss her just as he had so many times during their marriage and time together. He snapped back into reality and just continued to smile at her.

"Great, what did you make tonight?" He asked her, as he took his jacket off.

"Well, I made some lasagna..and.." She began to continue, but Matthew ran in from his bedroom.

"Chandler!" He exclaimed as he ran over and jumped on him.

"Hey buddy!" Chandler replied. "What's going on?"

"Uncle Ross buyed me a new game!" 

"Bought." Monica corrected him.

"Okay, mommy." Matthew replied, more interested in hearing Chandler's reaction.

Chandler looked over at Monica. "Ross…Ross was here?" He asked her, nervously.

"Yeah, he stopped by when you were at your appointment."

"Matthew, can you give me and your mom a minute alone? Go set up the game and I'll be there in a minute for you to show me."

"Okay! But hurry!" Matthew replied, running off into his room again.

"So.." Chandler replied. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah." Monica told him.

"I wish I could talk to Ross. And the others." He said, sitting down at the kitchen table.

"I know. We will figure something out. They're going to forgive you, Chandler. Eventually." She told him, as she placed her hand on his shoulder, squeezing it lightly. 

"Well, I just got the okay from the doctor today that I can go back to California." He informed her. "So, I don't know how much longer I'm going to be here. They really need me back at work."

Monica felt sad. But she knew this day was going to come at some point. "When do you think you're going to be leaving?"

"In a few days, probably." Chandler noticed Monica's sudden uneasiness. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." She started, then paused. "I guess I'm just going to miss you. I've gotten so used to you being around. And after you leave, I have some fences to mend." She chuckled a little.

"You'll be fine, Mon. But I'm going to miss you too. You'll never know how much I appreciate what you have done for me. You could have told me where to go. I just want you to know you're the best person I know."

"Thanks, Chandler. That means a lot to me." She said, feeling a lump forming in her throat. She turned her back to him and stood in front of the stove, pretending to be interested in something she was cooking. 

"Well, its true." He stood up and walked over toward Monica, placing his hand on her shoulder. "I love you, Mon. And I'm really going to miss you when I leave." She slowly turned to look at him, and his face was only inches from hers. He looked into her big beautiful blue eyes and wanted nothing more than to kiss her. And Monica wanted that kiss so desperately. She closed her eyes and waited for it to happen.

"You're leaving?" Matthew could be heard as he stood by the couch.

Monica and Chandler quickly jumped away from each other, obviously startled by Matthew's presence. 

"Yeah, I am going to be leaving soon, little buddy." Chandler told him, as he kneeled down.

"But why? Don't you like it here with us?"

"Of course I do. I've had so much fun with you and your mom. I'm going to miss both of you."

"Then why are you leaving?" Matthew asked, sadly.

"I'm sorry. But I will try to see you guys a lot. And you can come visit me anytime."

"That's not the same!" Matthew replied.

"Honey, Chandler has a job and friends in California that he has to get back to." Monica told her son.

"We are his friends." Matthew said to her.

"Yes, you are." Chandler said, smiling. "Matthew, why don't you show me that new game."

"Okay." Matthew agreed, still slightly upset. He trotted off toward his bedroom and Chandler smiled at Monica and then followed.

Matthew's fourth birthday was only a week away, so Chandler told Monica had wanted to stay until then. She told him that would be great and hoped to herself that within that time she could convince the others to at least talk to Chandler. They hadn't talked about their almost kiss again, but it was still on both of their minds. 

Chandler was babysitting Matthew while Monica was at work. They were playing video games, as usual, and eating popcorn and drinking soda. He knew he spoiled Matthew, but Monica didn't really mind so much. Chandler turned off the video game and turned on regular TV. Matthew sat next to him as they flipped through the different channels.

"You got a daddy?" Matthew suddenly asked him.

"What?" Chandler asked him, pretty surprised.

"You got a daddy?" 

Chandler knew he should correct his grammar because Monica was a stickler about that, but he couldn't bring himself to do it because of the nature of the question.

"Yes, I do." Chandler finally replied.

"You're lucky." Matthew replied.

"Why is that?"

"Cause I don't got one." 

Chandler felt a lump forming in his throat. He had no idea what Monica had told Matthew about his father. He didn't want to say the wrong thing. He was relieved that Monica would be home soon.

"You have a great mom." Chandler said to Matthew.

"But I want a daddy too."

"I know you do. I didn't know my dad because he and my mom split up when I was a little older than you. But I had my mom and…" Chandler had to stop himself because he had no idea what else he could say. His childhood had sucked so much. How could he tell his little boy that he had a great life to look forward to. He had no idea what kind of life Matthew would have without a father. The only thing Chandler knew for sure was that Monica was a great mom, and that was one thing Matthew had in his favor.

Luckily, Matthew changed the subject, but Chandler was still a little shaken. He started to feel so guilty once again for having walked out on Monica. He knew that if he hadn't had the drinking problem, he would have stayed with her no matter what and no matter who Matthew's father was. He could have been the father to this wonderful little child for the past three, almost four years. And Matthew would have called him "daddy" instead of "Chandler". He felt like he had been so selfish, and he couldn't believe Monica had been able to forgive him for something he didn't think he would ever be able to fully forgive himself.

She walked in a little while later and found both Chandler and Matthew passed out on the couch. She smiled at the sight of them, then gently tapped Chandler on the shoulder. 

"Psssst. Hey." She whispered.

He woke up and smiled at her. He mechanically picked Matthew up and carried him into Monica's bedroom and placed him gently on the bed so he could continue sleeping. Then he went back into the living area and joined Monica.

"Well it looks like you two had a fun time." She smiled, pointing to all of the junk food and soda on the coffee table.

"We did. We had a great day."

Monica sat down on the couch and Chandler sat opposite her in the barca lounger.

"Mon, I need to talk to you about something."

"Okay, what is it?" She asked him, a little concerned.

"Today Matthew asked me if I had a father because he said he wants one."

Monica looked sad. "He asked you that? I'm so sorry, Chandler."

"No, don't apologize. I'm glad he asked me because it got me thinking."

"About what?"

"Well, I realized some things. Like the fact that I love him like a son."

"That's sweet, Chandler." Monica said, smiling.

"I really love him. And I want to know if it would be okay with you if I become his father."

Monica was shocked. "What?!" She exclaimed, forgetting Matthew was asleep in the next room.

"I mean I know I am his father legally and everything, but I want to be his father. I want him to call me daddy and I want to be there for him whenever he needs me."

"Chandler…" Monica started.

"No, I know it sounds crazy. But I mean it. I should have been his dad since day one. And if I hadn't been sick, I know I would have been. You know that too, Mon."

"Chandler, I don't know what to say. I mean I would love to say yes. I want Matty to have a dad more than anything, and I've always wanted that person to be you. But are you sure you can handle this right now? And what about California? I mean, I hope you don't expect me to share custody. I couldn't stand being away from him."

"I'll move back here."

"You would do that?" She asked him, practically speechless.

"I'd do anything for him." He told her seriously. "And I would do anything for you."

"Chandler, this is crazy! Look I appreciate the offer, but I'm going to have to say no. I know right now it seems like something you would really want to commit to, but I just can't say yes and have Matthew end up hurt. He loves you and I want it to stay that way."

"Monica, please. Will you think about it? I can't blame you for not trusting it right now but I promise you, I swear on my life, I will never let him down."

"Okay. I will think about it. But I'm going to need some time."

"Thank you." Chandler told her, smiling. 


	9. Fragile Part 9

Fragile Part 9  


Chandler was helping Monica get the apartment all decorated for Matthew's birthday party. He was a bit nervous because the whole gang was coming over for the celebration. He had wondered if maybe he should leave because he didn't want to cause any unwanted tension. This was Matthew's day and he didn't want to spoil it. Monica hadn't mentioned anything else about Chandler wanting to become Matthew's father, but Chandler just thought she needed some more time. However, he did not have time on his side. He was supposed to leave for California in a few days, and if Monica agreed to let him be Matthew's father, he was going to have to let his boss know so he could transfer back to New York. He contemplated moving back to New York anyway, just to be closer to Monica and Matthew. He hoped deep down that someday, they would be able to get back together and be a real family. 

Chandler looked over at Monica, who was putting streamers over the front door, along with a big sign that read "Happy Birthday". Being a mother really suited Monica, he thought to himself.

"Hey, when is Matthew supposed to get back?" Chandler asked her.

"Well, my parents said they would be here around five. So we still have a couple of hours."

"Okay, good." He replied, as he watched her fidget with the sign, trying to get it straight. "You know, he is only turning four Mon, I don't think he'll even know what that says."

Monica laughed. "Well, its never too early to start learning to read."

Chandler laughed nervously. He looked around the apartment trying to see if there was anything else that needed to be done.

"Chandler, are you okay? You seem really anxious."

He sighed before sitting down on the couch. Monica walked over and sat next to him. "Well, its just that…everyone is coming over today. I just don't want anyone to have a bad time on my account, so maybe I should leave."

"Absolutely not!" Monica exclaimed, surprising Chandler a little. "Matthew would be really disappointed if you weren't here. And besides I think its time to get everything straightened out with the others." 

Chandler nodded. "Mon, this may not be the best time to ask..but have you made any kind of decision about.."

"You being Matthew's dad?" She asked, interrupting him.

"Yeah. I mean I know you said you needed time. But I was just wondering if you've made any progress in your decision."

"Actually I have. Chandler, I just don't think it's a good idea." She told him as she placed her hand on his. "I'm sorry."

"I understand." He replied, sadly. "It wasn't fair of me to ask. I had the chance to be his dad and I blew it."

Monica felt really bad for him, but she just couldn't say yes. Chandler had hurt her so much, and she never wanted Matthew to feel hurt like that. She stood up and walked back over into the kitchen, and Chandler went into his temporary bedroom.

"Hey!" Rachel exclaimed a short time later, as she walked through the front door with a bag full of presents. Phoebe and Joey who were also carrying presents followed her. They all hugged and kissed Monica and put their gifts on the table.

"Where is the birthday boy?" Phoebe asked.

"He's with my parents. But he'll be here in an hour I think."

Chandler emerged from his room carrying a large box. "Hey Mon, where is the.." he started, but stopped himself when he saw his three estranged friends standing in the kitchen staring at him. "Oh, hi. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt."

"What are you doing here?" Rachel asked him.

"Uhh, I've been staying here, Rach." He informed her as he looked questioningly at Monica. "You told them I would be here, didn't you?"

"Not exactly." Monica replied, looking a little nervous.

"Monica!" Chandler exclaimed. "Look you guys, I'm sorry. I'll just go." He told them as he sat the box down on the coffee table. "You need to wrap this for me." He said to Monica, obviously upset.

"No, Chandler. Don't go. I want you to stay." Monica pleadingly said, just as Ross walked in the front door.

"Yes, Chandler. Please do leave." Ross said, as he motioned for Chandler to leave through the open door.

"Okay. I don't want any fighting." Monica told the group as she closed the front door.

"You didn't tell us HE would be here." Phoebe said.

"I already said I would leave." Chandler replied.

"Then leave." Ross said.

"Shut the hell up, Ross!" Monica yelled. "You of all people just need to shut up for once. What the hell is your problem? Actually what is all of your problems? If anyone needs to leave, its all of you!"

"We don't understand why you would let Chandler back in your life after what he did to you, Mon." Rachel told her, calmly.

"Chandler wasn't the one who raped me! He was just as traumatized by what happened to me. Okay, maybe moreso! He got sick, and yes he made some mistakes, but my God how can you make him pay for the rest of his life? He got help and he is better now."

"Monica, its okay. You don't have to defend me. I appreciate the effort, though." Chandler told her as he put his hand on her shoulder.

"Don't touch my sister! You no good, piece of –" Ross started, but was cut off by Monica.

"I swear if you finish that sentence you will be so sorry." She told him on the verge of tears. "You don't understand anything about what either of us have been through. For one thing none of you would know what its like to be born as the result of a rape!"

"What does this have to do with Matthew?" Phoebe asked, confused.

"I'm not talking about Matthew, I'm talking about Chandler!" Monica sobbed.

The group looked at Chandler, in shock. He began to cry as well and was holding Monica close to him.

"Chandler, you were –" Rachel started.

"My mom was raped. And as a result, I was born." He told them. "When the same thing happened to Monica, I just lost it. I know, I should have told you guys but I didn't know how. And before I knew it I pretty much had lost control of my life. And I hope you don't think that I think I deserve your forgiveness. You guys were left here to help Monica pick up the pieces. I never should have left. I'm so sorry." He cried.

Everyone just continued to stare at Chandler, in total and utter disbelief. They all had tears in their eyes, and were all feeling pretty guilty they had never given him a chance to explain. Joey walked over to Chandler and pulled him into a tight hug. 

"I'm so sorry man." Joey told him.

Monica watched Chandler and Joey hugging and felt really hopeful for the first time in months. Rachel and Phoebe both joined in the hug and told Chandler they were sorry. For the first time they could see how fragile Chandler really had been. To them, he'd always been the Chandler who couldn't cry and now he was sobbing. Monica glanced over at Ross, who looked as though he couldn't understand why the others were forgiving Chandler. She felt so disappointed in her brother. She knew he loved her and was only looking out for her, but she couldn't believe he was so unforgiving. He walked over toward Monica and pulled her into a hug.

"I'm sorry, Mon. I know you want this to happen, but I just can't do it. Not yet."

Monica just nodded. Her brother was stubborn, but hopefully it wouldn't be too much longer.

Matthew arrived a short while later with Monica's parents and was greeted by his mother and all of their friends. He jumped onto Chandler's lap, and the others were quite surprised at how well the two got along. Throughout the entire party, Matthew was either at his mother's side or with Chandler. And Monica, for the first time, started to realize just how hard it would be on her son once Chandler left. Matthew had always been so close to her Uncle Ross, but now it was Chandler he wanted to be with. And Monica couldn't let selfishness come before her son's happiness. She slipped into the hallway between the two apartments to try and get her head together. She was leaning against the wall when Chandler came into the hallway and joined her.

"What are you doing out here?" He asked her, as he leaned up against the wall as well.

"Just needed some alone time." She replied, smiling.

"Oh, well I'll leave you alone then." He said, turning back.

"No. Please stay."

"All right." He said, leaning against the wall again. "Thank you." He told her, after a few minutes of silence.

"For what?"

"For helping me get my friends back again. Well, with the exception of Ross."

"He'll come around."

"I hope so." Chandler replied, sighing.

"Chandler there's something I want to tell you."

"Sure. What's up?" He asked her.

"I think I made a mistake before."

"What do you mean?"

"I think when I told you that you couldn't be Matthew's father, I was being selfish. You know it was like you said about how you had a chance to be his father and you blew it. I think I was holding that against you. And that isn't fair. I was watching the two of you just now, and I see how much he loves you." 

"I love him too." Chandler smiled.

"I know you do. And that's why I think my answer should be yes."

Chandler looked at her, his eyes filling with tears. "Really?"

"Yeah. I don't want to blow it a second time. He deserves a father and I want it to be you."

Chandler pulled Monica into a long hug. "Thank you so much. I won't let either of you down."

"I know you won't." She smiled, taking hold of his hand. "Now let's go tell OUR son the good news."

THE END!! 

Stay tuned for the Epilogue! Thanks so much for reading and the feedback is greatly appreciated!! 


	10. Fragile Epilogue

Fragile Epilogue  


Chandler was sitting at his desk at work bored out of his mind. He had just won the game Hearts for what seemed like the gazillionth time on his computer. He glanced at the clock on the wall and was happy to see that he would be able to leave in another hour. It was Matthew's sixteenth birthday and Chandler was anxious to get out of the office. There was going to be a small party with just family and a few friends from school. Monica and Chandler had originally planned on throwing a big party, but Matthew told them he would rather just spend a quiet night a home. His parents thought it was a little odd but they respected his wishes. Chandler smiled to himself, wondering how Matthew would react to the brand new car he bought for the special occasion. He couldn't wait to see the look on his face.

A few seconds later, Chandler's assistant buzzed into the intercom.

"Mr. Bing, your wife is on line two."

"Ok, thanks Melissa." He replied, as he picked up the phone. "Hi, honey." He said into the receiver.

"Hey! How is your day going?" She asked him.

"Boring as usual. I can't wait to get out of here. Were you able to wrap all the presents for Matthew?"

"Yes, everything, except for the car." She replied, laughing.

"Well, I'm going to be leaving in about an hour. Is there anything you need for me to pick up on the way home?"

"Just the kids. Austin is at baseball practice and Kayley is at dance class. Will that be too much out of your way?"

"Not at all. So we'll see you at home then."

"Okay, sweetie. Love you."

"Love you too. Bye."  
  
  
It was a little after 6:00 and Monica had just put up the final decorations for the party. The house looked wonderful. And even though she knew it wasn't a big party, she still wanted the house to be festive. It was a special occasion, after all. A few minutes after she took the pot roast out of the oven, fifteen month old Abigail came into the kitchen, having just woken up from her nap. She was carrying a little blanket that Chandler had given her when she was about six months old. And these days she never went anywhere without it. 

"Well hello there!" Monica smiled as she picked her daughter up. "We need to get you dressed for your brother's party, don't we!" She was headed back towards Abigail's room when she heard the doorbell ring. "Matthew, could you get that, sweetheart? I think its your dad, and he may need a hand."

Matthew came down the stairs to answer the door. "Okay, mom. I got it." He replied, as he opened it.

"Happy Birthday!" Chandler happily exclaimed.

"Thanks, dad!" Matthew smiled.

He opened the door a little further to reveal Austin, Kayley, and his step mother, Sheryl all standing on the front porch holding gifts. They all walked in hugging him and wishing him a happy birthday.

"Where's Monica?" Chandler asked.

"I'm right here." Monica replied as she walked into the foyer holding Abigail. She greeted Chandler, Sheryl and the kids as she placed Abigail back on the floor. "You guys got here just in time. I took the pot roast out just a few minutes ago."

They all walked into the kitchen and began to chat about nothing too important. Sheryl helped Monica get all of the plates ready and the table situated.

"Where is John?" Chandler asked, as he wrestled with his four year old daughter.

"Unfortunately he's on call tonight. He tried to get someone to cover his shift, but one of the other doctors was having back surgery. But hopefully he will be here soon if nothing too serious is keeping him there." She looked back over at Chandler and smiled as she watched him playing with his daughter. He was such a great father, and he had been so wonderful to Matthew.

They had told him the truth about his paternity when he was seven years old. They didn't tell him how he was conceived until a few years later, but when he was seven they thought he should know the truth about Chandler not being his biological father. That was around the same time that Sheryl had given birth to Austin, so they figured they would kill two birds with one stone by explaining to Matthew about biological relationships. It didn't seem to affect him that much because he was so used to having Chandler as his father. He knew how much he was loved by both of his parents, even though he had no recollection of them ever being anything more than friends. Shortly after Matthew's fourth birthday, when Monica had agreed to let Chandler be Matthew's father, they decided it was for the best to end their marriage. They knew they would always have a special place in their hearts for each other, but salvaging what was left of their friendship seemed to be more important than risking it all together for another shot at a romantic relationship. Two years later, Chandler married Sheryl, who ironically, Monica had set him up with. Monica wanted more than anything for Chandler to be happy, and Chandler felt the same about Monica. Unfortunately she hadn't been as lucky. She had been in a few relationships since the divorce but nothing serious. Then she had met John, and the two were married only five months later. Even though they liked John a great deal, Chandler and Sheryl had both hoped Monica hadn't rushed into anything. But it had been six years now and Monica and John were very happy together. Monica had always known she wanted more children, but it had taken her five years to get pregnant again. She had just about given up hope when she learned she was pregnant with Abigail. Being the baby and all, the whole family spoiled her to pieces. She was an adorable little girl who looked exactly like Monica had as a child. Abbey and Kayley were very close, despite their age difference; as were Austin and Matthew.   
  
  
They had all just sat down to dinner when John walked in, wearing his scrubs from the hospital. He walked over and gave Monica a kiss on the lips and kissed Abbey on the forehead.

"Happy birthday, Matthew." He told his step-son, as he patted his shoulders. "Hey everyone." He told them as he went over to the sink to wash his hands.

"Your food is in the oven, hon." Monica told him.

"Okay, thanks babe." John said as he reached in and pulled out his plate. He walked over to join everyone at the table.

Everyone had a great time at dinner, just as they always did. It was extended families at its best. After dinner, they all went outside so Chandler could surprise Matthew with the new car. Monica grabbed her camera and snapped a few shots of her son's reaction. He was very shocked and very excited about his father's gift. While the girls retreated back into the house, all the guys decided to take the car for a test spin around the neighborhood. It had turned out to be a really glorious birthday, and Monica was so happy that her son was happy.   
  
  
A few weeks after the party, Monica was spending the day at home with Abbey just doing her usual thing like cleaning, ironing, playing with her daughter. After her daughter's birth, she had given up her job at the restaurant to be a full time mom. She wanted to devote all of her attention to both Matthew and Abbey, and now she could afford to do that being married to a doctor. She had just put Abbey down for a nap and turned on the TV. She didn't really watch much TV these days, and when she did it mostly revolved around kid related programs. She put her feet up on the coffee table and let out a sigh. It had been a long day and Matthew would be home from school any minute wanting some kind of snack. She flipped through the channels, then stopped on the news.

"Charges have been brought against another person in the Beth Israel hospital suit." The newswoman reported. Monica frowned, wondering what kind of suit was pending. She turned up the volume a little and kept listening. "The hospital has still made no statement regarding the death of fifteen year old Tasha Kinney earlier this summer. Kinney died after a blood transfusion due to her hospital records listing the wrong blood type in her file. For more information, log onto our website…"

"Mom, I'm home." Matthew yelled from the front door. He walked into the family room and saw him other sitting on the couch with a strange look on her face. "Mom, are you okay?"

"I don't know." She replied, swallowing hard. She stood up and walked toward the office on the other side of the house. Matthew followed her. "Mom? What are you doing?"

"Something on the news just now. It was really disturbing."

"Well yeah. All they talk about on the news is how many people died today. That is disturbing." He replied as he watched her logging onto the computer. A few seconds later, she pulled up the file she was looking for and started reading aloud. 

"Fifteen year old Tasha Marie Kinney died after complications June 17."

"Mom, who is that? Do we know her?"

"Shhh." Monica said, then continued reading. "Her family has filed a wrongful death suit against Beth Israel Hospital where she was born. Shortly after her birth, a paternity test was performed and claimed her as type A blood. In actuality, she was B type, and due to the wrong information in her chart died after receiving an A blood transfusion after a car accident. The family has reason to believe that Roman Heuer, a hospital employee working at Beth Israel in 2001, somehow tampered with her test results as an infant. Heuer had been fired from the hospital in 2001, but no word yet on why he was let go from his job. He was arrested earlier this month." Monica stopped. She was starting to feel a knot in her stomach.

"Mom, what is this about? Wasn't I born there?" Matthew asked, after watching her face continue to grow more and more pale.

"Call your father. Go call Chandler right now and tell him to get over here right away." She told him, practically on the verge of tears.

Matthew ran into the kitchen and dialed his father's number at work. Chandler answered a minute later.

"Dad…" Matthew started, quite frantic.

"Matty? What is it?? Is it your mother?" Chandler asked, concerned.

"Yes. No, I don't know. Something is going on and she is freaking out. She said you need to get over here right away."

"Okay. I'm on my way." Chandler replied, already half way out of his office.

He arrived at Monica's house a short time later and Matthew told him she was still in the office reading old news articles. Chandler went in and saw how upset she looked.

"Mon? What is going on?"

"Have you heard anything about this law suit against Beth Israel."

"No, not really. Why?"

"Chandler, you have got to read this." She looked up at him, as she handed him one of the articles she had printed out. She watched him as he carefully began to read over it. After a few moments he looked up from the paper.

"Do you think…How could this….I can't believe this!" He exclaimed.

"I know." She said, standing up. "How come no one has mentioned this? I mean what if his test results were switched too and you ARE his biological father?"

"Let's not jump the gun here. I think we should go to the hospital and get another test right now."

"Okay, let me call John and tell him we're on our way." Monica told him.

"I'm going to call Sheryl as well."  
  
  
An hour later, Monica, Chandler and Matthew were sitting in a hospital waiting room. The test had been performed and now they were just waiting for the results. Monica couldn't believe that Matthew could actually be Chandler's son. It made her sick to think that someone had intentionally switched paternity test results. Those results had altered her life in so many ways she didn't even care to think about anymore. She had accepted those results and learned to live with them. Even though they were the major player in her divorce to Chandler, she had accepted that. She glanced over at Chandler and wondered what he was thinking. And she wondered what her son was thinking for that matter. Chandler, like her, was very nervous about getting the new results. He couldn't help but think if Matthew turned out to be his son if that would change things. If it would make him start feeling guilty again for walking out on Monica that night sixteen years ago. He knew if the results had shown that night Matthew was his son, he never would have left her and they would probably still be married now. He didn't know that for certain, but part of him thought that would be the case. He was scared, and he didn't know what he wanted the results to say, even though he knew he had no control either way.

A little while later, a nurse came into the waiting area and handed Monica the envelope containing the results. She looked at Chandler and Matthew, waiting for them to give her the go ahead. She slowly pulled the paper out of the envelope and looked over the results. Moments later her eyes filled with tears, but neither Chandler nor Matthew knew if they were tears of joy or sadness. She let the paper fall to the ground, then angrily shouted "Damn it!" before racing off toward the ladies room. Chandler picked up the piece of tear stained paper off of the floor and glanced down to look at it. He was sure he knew what the results were based on her reaction. Matthew was in fact is biological son, and he knew Monica was upset for the same reason he was upset. Because they hadn't known the truth all along. Matthew was confused. He didn't understand his mother's anger.

"Why was she so mad? Didn't she want me to be your's?" He asked Chandler.

"Of course she did. Does. This just brings up a lot of old memories for both of us. And I think she is feeling a little sad right now. That we didn't know this all along." He told him. He didn't want Matthew to ever know the paternity test had anything to do with him walking out on Monica. He couldn't bare for his son to know what he had done. 

Monica returned a few minutes later, embracing Matthew. "Are you okay?" She asked him.

"I'm fine, mom. Are you okay?"

"Yes. I'm sorry about that. There were just so many emotions inside of me and they all came out at once."

"It's okay. I'm going to get a soda. I'll be back in a few minutes." Matthew told her as he began walking down the hallway.

"Do you think he is okay?" She asked Chandler.

"I think so. I mean I'm the only dad he has known anyway, so I don't see that things will really change now."

"Yeah, you're right. Thank God this wasn't the other way around. He would be devestated." Monica replied.

"Mon, are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes." She nodded. "I was just thinking about how I've always thought he looked so much like you. I mean why didn't I see this years ago? Why didn't I ask for a second test after the birth? What kind of idiot am I?"

"This is not your fault, Monica. I'm the idiot who even brought up the test in the first place. If I had just listened to you when you said it was my child none of this would have happened."

"I just can't help but think how our life would be different if we knew the truth from the start." She said, as tears began to form again.

"We can't think like that. Lots of events have brought us to where we are today. Not just that one thing."

"I know. I guess I just always believed that somehow…I don't know..in the end that we would be together again."

Chandler pulled Monica close to him and embraced her tightly. "I'm always going to love you. You know that. But you deserve so much more than what I had to offer. And you and John are perfect together."

"I'm always going to love you too, Chandler. And I'm just glad we know the truth now. I mean there is no more truth for us to know. Its all out now."

"Right." He told her, smiling. "And we are very lucky that Matthew is safe and healthy. He could have been the one in that accident with the wrong blood type on file. He could have been the one who died. I guess I never realized how fragile life is until this moment."

Monica looked up at him and smiled. "I'm really happy he's your son."

"I'm really happy he's your son." He echoed, smiling down at her. 


End file.
